6- at the moment

Mar 22, 2008

so readers. lately life has been very... entertaining. see. i decidd that i was going to do whatever with whoever. i always wanted a boyfriend and instead of chasing after people who didnt want me i decided to just give up. if anyone came ot me. no matter who then id do what they wanted. i know it sounds horirble and its totally not me. but i was fed up with being lonely. so of course for a while nothign happened. but then. Carter, you remember him right? the best friend. well see hes recently announced that hes Bi. and that he likes me ...... a lot. and i love carter. but im not in love with him. and he wanted to try friends with benefits. for lack of better words. and i did acccept... we didnt do nything but kiss... and i didnt feel anything. it was like kissing a stranger. no fireworks. no sparks. and the whole thing lasted about wenty four hours. but see i met someone. online. on a chat room and from there it went to my space and we talked. and got to know eachother a little more. then we decided to meet. HIs name is Nick. hes 18. in college. very cute. well. he picked mu up at three thirty on wed. Nick is different from every guy ive ever known. We have so much in common and hes sweet and funny and not afraid to be himself which i love about him. our date lasted six hours. kind of crazy for a first date. but were different like that. lol. so he picked me up and we went to his house. it was very awkward at first. i had so much in my mind and couldnt think of anything to talk about. all those thoughts just couldnt be put into words.i remember it all though... we were sitting on opposite sides of the living room when the first major event happened. we were deciding what to do and he asked me what i was htinking. i was nervous to say but i did anyway. i said i really wanted to kiss him. then i went over and he was sitting in a chair and i was on my knees in front of him. he leaned forward and we kissed. gently, on the lips, no toungue. it was sweet and pure and innocent. and at that moment i knew that we had something. it might not be love yet. but it was more than lust. it was like a hunger, not for his body. but i wanted everything with him. i wanted to know everything about him. every dream, every fear, every desire. so we talked. for a long time. three hours. during the movie even. and we kissed so much that my mouth feels alone without him. im on spring break right now. and hes gone until wed. our next date is wed. hes in san fransisco with some friends. i really want it to be wed. already. but anyways about the date. we have so much in common that "our word" is DITTO. but during the date we decided that things were exclusive.. as in bf and bf. its so weird to think im not single. after being it for sixteen years. its strange.... anyways. ill keep you updated on that front. i cant stop thinking about him. i guess i learned that as soon as you stop searching for something that you really want. It comes to you.