It is what it is

11-09-06



The complexity of relationships often times is only paralleled by irrationality, confusion, and bitterness. The other night I was discussing the repercussions of being emotionally hurt by an ex. Despite the seemingly pleasant façade its become painfully clear to me through myself as well as my friends, that with each significant relationship a person is in, he/she is changed. Each person involved loses a part of him/herself: and replacing that void is experiences (good and bad) which ultimately molds how the person will pursue his or her future relationships. To bring it back again I have to ask, why do we do this to ourselves? Is it innate within some to just make relationships more complex than they really need to be? I use myself as an example. Too often, I get so caught up in the finite details of my relationships and I tend to over analyze all the nuances of the relationship dynamic. I have a feeling this ends up making things worse. It takes away some of the mystery and the uncertainty that make a relationship exciting and as I mentioned, it leads to complications. I become so tangled up in what is and what I fabricated in my mind to be and things just get confusing. I've seen it happen all to often and the result is broken hearts, shattered dreams and a void filled only with false expectations enveloped in a callous shell from bitterness. This is not conducive to finding healthier relationships because when someone worthwhile does come along, we trample whatever dream or beauty the relationship may offer: hearts guarded and preconceived notions that blanket the way we perceive all relationships. Now, I want to change…I want to break the cycle and I urge others to do the same: remove the complexity. It doesn't have to be confusing…just step back from the situation when it gets too heated and breath. Simplicity is key. "It is what it is"… A friend of mine said that to me in regards to relationships and as cliché as it may sound, it is fundamental and definitely a good way to move forward. In a past entry I wrote about time forcing me forward from 'better' times that were stable and secure. I've learned that nothing in life is certain accept death. It's up to us to make life before that expiration date and in doing so we can achieve something fulfilling. Maybe I shouldn't dread time pulling me from what I loved, but wait in anticipation for where time will take me, whether it be another relationship that falls apart or to something more lasting. Either way, "it is what it is", and let it be just that. Moving forward one simple step at a time. J