Life of a simple man, Just a soiled dirty boy.

Apr 01, 2008

Well today was eventful. I woke up excited to see Chris and ’hang out’. But he was late waking up and had to get to class. "Okay, Well maybe after class?" Nope. No call, no text. He does that a lot so I didnt take any offense. I understand that we have communication issues. Fine, everyone has something wrong with them. I attach easy; thats my problem. I look online and see that the Slipknot tickets are on sale!!! *scream!* I am flippin out! It made me so happy I literally squeelled like a 6 year old with a new Barbie Dream House. I get a call from a friend who wants to get people together and hang out. Cool! Even better! I saw Neely, Nate, and Andrew today; even Aly...for like 10 minutes. lol. We were chilling in University area by the pond which was soooo peaceful! There were ducks, geese, swans, dogs, and BABIES!! I havent seen those in ages! lol. We took pictures and hung around the little shoppes. We got to talking and my friend ’spilled’ that Chris was hanging out with his ex. Hmmm...
Well they’re friends thats fine. okay... I call, no answer. Text; nothing. Leave a message saying "WE NEED TO TALK". That gets across. I sit on my bed playing my music, trying not to let my color show. Here’s what happend:

me:"hey"
Chris:"Hey whats up?"
me:"NM, what did you do today?"
Him:"just went to my classes. I had one at 1130 and another around noon. hung out and chilled for a bit. Had another class at 7 soo...yeah"
Me:"oh...kewl. Kewl. So hows May?"

yeah...That changed things a little. Im fine when my boyfriend hangs out with his friends. No problem. That means any boyfriend! Ever. But its one thing to say; "hey babe, me and my homies and _______(ex-girls name) are gunna chill and get some booze. Ill call you after class." Or even. "Yo, Me and _______are gunna hang for a bit, wanna come?" Or "Yeah, I went to classes, hung with _______ got some booze, went to class around 7."
But to try and hide it?!? My GAWD! It looks suspicious, it IS suspicious. I just want honesty. I’m not a fucking REBOUND GIRL!! I tried. I wanted it to work out and I get this. Somethings just hurt more than others. And this hurt really fucking bad.

Im really just kind of done. I want a real relationship. A real fucking relationship! I want to connect to someone on a deep deep level. To be in it to fall in love and have someone who feels the same way. Im tired of dating to just date. I want something thats meaningful and spiritual; to touch and be touched by someone not only in a physical way but emotional, mental, and spiritual level. I want to be with someone without having to struggle and work at loving them so much that the cons outnumber the pros. Im a bit crushed by the trust I had put into someone who hurt me. But I think thats how people end up this way