i dont know

Jun 21, 2008

Every time, when something goes wrong and i found my self trying to breath easy (even when it feels so impossible) my reality turns into a joke, every thing seems senseless and even when i´m loughing i know i can break into tears, no matters where i am or with who i am.
The truth is that i don`t know where i am. I don´t know if i am going or comming, if this is up or down... and some times i ask my self "Who cares?" the thing is to keep moving, if you are strong or smart enough to do it.... well if you are not, you can get stuck... Anyway
I had this big interview, wich decides my whole future and i`m so nerveous to know how did it come... becouse if I don`t get it... in simple words: Ill feel like such a loser!! haha makes me lough when i say that openly.
There was more than 500 persons trying to get into the university... and just 90 will make it through. My concern is that there could be 90 persons better than i, How do you explain it to your self? i`ve been rejected so many times, i don´t know if i can handle it again... i know my life will go on, but what about my spyrit? will it keep being that free?, will i keep looking the world with a smile?... even now i do my best to smile everytime that i can. I've been broken like 64385729 before, what will happen when i get to the time 64385730??
I guess this is how you become a grown up person... or at least someone really sad.
I don´t want to grow up! an that is somthng that i know for sure. Have you seen them? they are like a sad joke, I don't want to end like them... so i´ll try my best to get threw this with no scare... that will be almost impossible... if Tom Cruice can do it, why not me?... haha