Giving It Away

May 04, 2008

I still don't know why I was ever so in love with you. It really doesn't make sense, but whenever I look at your picture, I still get that feeling inside of me. That I still want you. I still think of everything we had, and for that moment, I want to go back. Back to what we had. Back to how we were. How it was so different from anything I've ever had or experienced. And I don't know why.

Even now, I have someone so incredibly perfect for me. Someone who loves me, so so much, unconditionally. Yet still, whenever I hear a song that reminds me of you, or come across your picture, I still think of how it was, and for that second, for some reason completely beyond me, I want it.

It doesn't make any sense! We obviously don't work. We are so wrong for each other that it seemed right. We are too different, we don't speak, and when we did, all we ever did was fight. Now I have someone, and it's so unbelievably perfect, but still, I still think about you. I know that we will never be together again. I've accepted that fact. And even if one day, you realize you really do want me, I think of everything you put us through, and I would never go back. You hurt me too much. I don't think you will ever realize just how much you hurt me. You broke me. And I believe you were meant to break me. Yet still, I think of if things were different. How things could have been different. I wouldn't do it, but still, I think...

I'm not in love with you anymore. I can say that now. But no matter how much you hurt me, no matter how much you broke me, no matter how much pain you put me through, no matter how much I endured for you, I will always love you. I am who I am today because of you. And that's the person that my soulmate has fallen in love with. Right now, in this moment, completely and finally, I'm giving you away...