Lesson Number Three

Jun 23, 2008

Letting go takes a shit load of time to do. I hav3 to do some letting go myself. There is no one in this world I have ever wanted out of my life but I think there is someone who [i]should[/i] be out. In a way they let me down and betrayed me by betraying who they are. They taught me that love is not always strong enough. And sometimes it makes people blind. I wasn't scared of losing I was scared at the feeling of wanting to be on my own without them and I couldn't see how bad they treated me because of it. It was a foreign feeling to me because how could I want to be away from this person if I loved them? I was attached. Even people you love can hold you back from what you want or even deserve. If it was not for the pain they caused I would have never let go and done the things I've done so far or realized bigger happiness even existed, and all this I did in less than a year. It's true what they say, it's hard and it takes a shit load of time to let go but you have to do it. There has to come a day when you say fuck it I'm done and really do it. It took six months for them to apologize to me and realize he had lost something and that's when I realized it had been that long and I didn't care anymore. Now they are not the same person I once knew. Someone has turned them into a person they are not even happy with but they refuse to see it even though I know deep down inside they are miserable. They have admitted to me they are but I find it crazy that they still put this other person in a pedestal and take more (WAY MORE) shit from them than I was ever allowed to do. Actually compared to them I probably win the gf of the year award cause not to brag or anything but I think I'm a pretty damn good person to get into a relationship with. Anyways the point is that I would like to thank this person for hurting me because cliche or not it has made me stronger and I don't think I will ever encounter the pain they brought and for that I have come to deal with getting hurt a lot better. More like I get over shit within a day now ha. I don't like the word love, I don't use it and I don't let others use it on me (except my nieces). I have only loved once and I cannot say I was truly happy... I only thought I was. Also "Love Hurts" is a piece of fucking crap because it is not true, if love begins to hurt then it is not love anymore it is attachment and illusion. I can truthfully look back now and say that I did fall out of love at one point in time because misery does not come out of love it comes out of being afraid to not love. Suck it up and let go. It hurts more than what the person actually did to hurt you, ha bet no one ever bothers to say that. And its not easy or take days, weeks, or even months, but afterwards life becomes clear... not clearer... CLEAR. So suck it up and let go better start now. So I am saying goodbye to this person. I don't want anything to do with them ever again.