Orientation... Straight
I'm into... Writing Photography Painting Music Film Art Love Mind
I'm working on... I'm currently working as a part time wedding photographer and also work full time in a record store. I'm a student, getting my second BA (the first is in English, the second in History). I'm also a quarter of the way through my first novel (many false starters, this one seems aimed for a genuine finish) and that's very exciting.
My sites... http://www.ashleymaclennan.com
About me
Interests
movies
fight club
, memento
, sleeping beauty
, pride & prejudice (both the BBC and the Kiera Knightly versions)
, juno
, love actually
, closer
, lilo & stitch
, love with the proper stranger
, breakfast at tiffanys
, bullitt
, waitress
, superbad
television
battlestar galactica
, friday night lights
, dexter
, 30 rock
, quarterlife
, lost
, bones
, sex and the city
, arrested development
, buffy the vampire slayer
, freaks and geeks
, my so-called life
music
i work in a record store
, so there's almost too much too list here.
cultural icons
steve mcqueen
, audrey hepburn
, katharine hepburn
, natalie wood
, robert redford
, mikhail baryshnikov
, sarah jessica parker
, evagenline lilly
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Tributaries VII: Blatant
March 30, 2008you come and go like the changing of my mind. you who so define and so break my heart all in one fell swoop. you who hold all of my attention, you who haunts my sleeping sweet dreams. you come into my life, and you tear me apart without even trying. and you leave me here to bleed, my heart in my hands and tears in my eyes.
and i will hold myself, bleeding, and offer myself to you still. i will die here, begging you to love me. to let me love you, if you can't love yourself.
i feel you in every breath. in every underwhelming step i take, as the city rapes my soul, leaves me empty to anything but its concrete need. you keep me anchored to a dreamers work, writing poetry in my mind instead of contemplating politcs. you will always suffocate the realist in me.
and there are the songs you sent, the letters written and left unanswered. i gave you everything in me that was innocent and trusting. i gave you everything in me i had to give, but i wasn't enough for you.
self-destruction is a devouring power.
yours has left you a hollow man, and it has moved on to me. and you tell me you need to make your getaway. you need to leave me forever, and i don't have it in me to make you stay. just know, even if you leave me here, you take part of me with you when you go. i'll never have that part of me again.
there is a little sun in my life, these days, and you aren't the one who parted the clouds. and lately i've had my own demons to slay,i've had my own dark days to weigh me down.
no, darling, you aren't alone. and you haven't pulled me down.
but i've felt the drowning pull, as sure as you do. and god knows there are days i want to let the cold hands drag me under. and god knows there's nights i've laid awake dreaming you would save me.
but god knows i don't put my faith in gods anymore.
and god knows i now know you'll never be the one to take my hand.
i'm learning to swim. day by day. and as much as i love you, i can't hold us both above water, anymore. you'll learn in your own time, because i could never teach you how to love, and i could never teach you the secrets of self-sacrifice and survival.
these days, it's sink or swim.
these days, we have to make it on our own.
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04/09/08 at 21:30 PST
