Me

Aug 06, 2008

Inventory of Being

I am.
But who am I?
Sometimes, I’m not sure.

I’m Greg.
At this very moment, I am:
17 years
4 months
7 days
7 hours
43 minutes old.
I am a student, an employee, a friend, a brother, a son, and a boyfriend.
I like spicy food, and the colour green.
I have blue eyes, brown hair, and am of average height.
I find Science interesting, and have always struggled with English.
Some people would say this is who I am.
I don’t disagree.
However, it’s just the tip of the metaphorical iceberg.
Shall we get started?

I’m the difference between night and day.
Hot and cold.
I can switch from one extreme to the other in a heartbeat.
From loud and outgoing, to quiet and contemplative.
This seems to confuse people.

Music is my lifeline to reality.
It is beyond words.
It is beauty, sadness, love, hope.
It is everything.
From Alexisonfire to Something Corporate,
It is my heart and soul.
FourWarned, DinosaurROAR, Altogether Separate: *1
I loved you all. You were some of the best times I’ve ever had.

I am a self-proclaimed nerd.
I love to read, and sometimes get sarcastic comments about it.
I don’t mind, I have something they don’t.
An imagination.
Fantasy realms fill my mind,
And I am gone.
Landscapes taking shape inside my head.
Myself, an invisible being, watching them all.
I want to write a book someday.


Sometimes, I love my friends.
Sometimes, I hate them.
This drives them away.
I don’t blame them.
I’m not sure I’d want to be friends with me, either.

I’m afraid of growing up.
Why?
Independence.
Craved, yet despised.
I miss childhood innocence.
We weren’t our problems, our age, or our paychecks. *2
The world was easy, and carefree.
I hate being forced to mature.
It’s a crime.
A tragedy, with myself as the fallen hero.

I want to be a firefighter, a doctor,
An astronaut, a videogame designer,
A writer, a comedian, a race car driver.
I want to be rich. I want to be poor.
I want to be famous, I want to perform.
I want to be a social worker, and help people directly.
I want to create a cure for cancer, and save indirectly.
I want to be a pyrotechnics expert, and blow things up for fun.
I want to be everything.
But I think I’ll settle for being a teacher,
Maybe not here, though.
Perhaps somewhere children don’t have the opportunities they do here.
I want to help them become all that they can.
I want to help them fulfill dreams,
Their own, and all the ones I could not in one lifetime.

Sometimes I feel like it’s my job
To take care of everyone.
To be everyone’s Superman, if you will.
But I’m not invincible,
And I have far more flaws than the Man of Steel.
I tried to solve all my own problems,
But I’m learning that I can rely on others,
That I need to rely on others.
Even heroes have the right to bleed. *3
And yet, I like being turned to.
I like helping others, because it lets me help myself.

I love cheesecake, but hate onions.
The slimy texture disgusts me.
Slimy people disgust me.
Honesty is a virtue not enough people possess.
The world is a terrible place at times.
Selfishness, greed, anger, hate.
They destroy relationships and homes.
I want to make a difference in the world.
I want to change someone’s life.
One day, I will. I will make a difference.
The amount of murder, rape, and theft
Completely terrifies me.
Yet no one seems to want to take a stand.
Including me. I am part of the problem.

But I will make my stand.
Cowardice is what is holding me back.
Courage is something I seem to lack,
I have struggled with it for a long time.
By nature, I play it safe, don’t rock the boat.
But that isn’t life. That is a half-life.
If I could go back, and change things,
I would have taken more risks, done more.
Perhaps it sounds silly coming from a 17 year old.
I consider myself lucky that I realized it so soon.

And yet, there is so much hidden beauty.

Only one person truly understands me.
My best friend. The one constant in my life.
No matter what, she is there.
She always will be. This I know.
The best thing that ever happened to me.
She is perfection in my eyes.
Soulmates?
I know so.



I don’t want to change the world.
I just want to try and make it a better place.


I’m Greg. This is me.


*1: Bands I have been in
*2: A line from Yellow Brick Road, Raine Maida
*3: A line from Superman, Five For Fighting