questions and rambling

Apr 15, 2008

What happened to strong women?
As I am laying on my couch, alternating the melodies of Tegan and Sara and Eisley, on a not so unusual Friday night for me… I wonder… where are all the strong women these days? Though it might seem cliché for a single 20 not so much-something to think about… I believe it’s a valid question.. at least in my circle of friends. I think we have come far from the days of Rosie the Riveter.. a whole bunch of whys keep popping in my head..I’m hoping if I write them down, they will leave me so I can finally join the rest of the normal working world in blissful sleep, as 2:30 am sneaks up on me…
Why do we stay in relationships we know will inevitably end?
Why do we chase after the one who is really just NOT that into us?
Why do we lower our expectations in the first place?
Why do we believe we deserve the treatment we are given, and even go so far as to write another page in the excuses for my asshole boyfriend book?
Why do we always go back?
Why do we feel better about ourselves when someone notices our beauty?
Why are we scared to be alone?
A friend recently told me she was considered obese, because she has 30% body fat..
And another friend who cried her eyes out because of the character attack her then recently exed and back-to-paradise-again boyfriend had declared upon her…
Although there are obvious downsides to single life, and I can’t deny the fact that if my modern day prince came a knocking…I might be tempted to fall for the sweeping off of my feet.. I feel completely content in myself…by myself.
I have recently spent a lot of quality time with the coolest girl I know… me. And yes the mental conversations do become quite predictable (insert joke here)… (insert inner laugh here). Ok in all seriousness… What is so wrong with being alone, what is it that we are so afraid of in being alone with ourselves? Are we running from ourselves, or do we really buy that we aren’t interesting enough on our own? Why do we need the validation of others, especially where it comes to the opposite sex? Ill admit, there is nothing to compete with a night out... (or in) with a sexy guy…or an amazing relationship with someone who gets you…really gets you…and still manages to love you DESPITE you.. But if you can’t find the latter of the two categories… and the first finds you unfulfilled… why do we settle… why do we think this is all we deserve or simply just don’t expect more for ourselves? Is meritocracy really an acceptable substitute for love and happiness? And is singleness till you find that happiness really that terrible…?
I say... while you wait for that day when you are ever changed by the beginning of a new and true love… and I do mean real love… not “make it work” love… not... “Oh..I guess I DO really love him” love… not.. “I have been with him so long so I might as well make it last” love… no... I mean the kind of love that makes you forget the worry and care of the day… that keeps you going during the tough times..And most definitely shares the good times… the kind of love that doesn’t falter… doesn’t stray…the kind of love that kills…that saves… that forsakes all others and forgives all mistakes. The kind of love that grows and deepens as time wears your beauty and youth.. .the kind of love the burns… really burns… so strong you KNOW….that nothing else on earth could compare..the kind you know was planned for you and only you…that you were blessed with…ok so that’s a tall order..but I believe in that kind of love….and until you find it… don’t settle…. Don’t ever settle… have high expectations… high hopes… we deserve love… and a relationship…not , as the great Dane Cook calls it, a relation-shit. Be single, in a healthy way. Take walks on the beach… solo.. read a great book that will make you laugh or make you cry, call a girlfriend, hell, call all your girlfriends…throw a cocktail party… go to a great concert.. take a class… make a new friend.. find something that makes you smile..try something new, figure out who you are.. Be complete… while completely alone.. talk to that big guy who knows you more than you know you. When you do that, when you become the person you want to be, the person you want to be WITH…will inevitably follow…
And if not…I guess I’m screwed…but this is my plan. This is my goal.. this is me… more tired than is healthy, rambling because I can..