In 24 years, I have learned that...

Jun 06, 2008

1. Friends will come and go, but family is a constant. It may not always be a reassuring, loving, or accepting constant. It may be your rock. It may be a source of shame. But it is a constant.

2. The people who knew you when you were young will always know you better than those who met you later in life. Those who knew you as a child knew you in your purest, most concentrated form. Those who met you after your social programming will never understand where it is from whence you have come. You may try to tell them, but only those who witnessed it will truly understand.

3. Pink is a girly color. It will always be a girly color. It is not macho. It is not masculine. Men can wear it. Men can flaunt it. They will never own it.

4. I will, someday, become my mother, or at least very much like my mother. This is good and bad. I would rather not become incredibly practical and learn to reign in my, admittedly, ridiculous behavior. I would love to become a woman who puts others first and still maintains pride and confidence in herself. While she may be my polar opposite in certain areas of thought and societal values, she raised me to treat everyone's thoughts with consideration and every person with respect. While I have been mortified by my mother and inspired by my mother, I know someday I will mortify and inspire my own daughter. Someday, I will learn what it is to have a daughter who screams at me, taunts me, hates me, loves me, lies to me, tells me her secrets, and falls into my arms when she needs to feel safe. Someday, with the help of god, I will respond to all of these actions with the same understanding as my mother.

5. Sunshine can give you hope. Shittiest day in the world + sunshine = not quite the shittiest day in the world.

6. Writing down your thoughts makes them, to be technical, a bajillion times more clear. Even if you simply write them down in a diary, YOU will gain more insight into your own thoughts. I do not believe the same about typing. Write out the letters, and you will understand yourself more clearly.

7. No man will ever love me as truly as my father. He understands who I am because I am so much like him. He knows me implicitly and still loves me unconditionally. I don't expect, nor believe it possible, that any man will ever do this again.

8. High heels are the most delightful, feminine, and mainstream form of torture. They make you feel sexy. They make ankles look smaller. They give you blisters. They have a tendency to take five years off your ankles' functionality. Generally, only women get to wear them, shop for them, and gloat over them. They make us feel pretty. And girly. And that is both rad and sad.

9. Singing is betterthan chocolate, sexual interaction, rollercoasters and classical art. And that's saying alot. Singing is right up there with breathing on the list of essential elements of my life. Were I to become incapable of singing, I would be tempted towards despair. Singing allows me to literally send a piece of myself flying towards whomever happens to be in close proximity, even if the only person is me. Imagine what that is like -- getting to hear your own singing -- your soul coming back to your ears and re-entering your body. For those of you who do not wish to sing or do not believe yourself capable of singing, just effing try this out. Sing in the shower. Hear your soul, ok kids? Hear the aural manifestation of your immortality.

10. My body is mine. It does not belong to my partner, my friends, my religion, my society or my government. Though it has been violated, it has not been stolen. Though it may expand and shrink, I will not and cannot deny its existence. It defines me. It allows me to enjoy the universe. It is my uber-fantastico-never-ending-wealth-of-possibilities-mobile. It is my canvas. It is MY body. Mine.