Upon My Return

Apr 29, 2008

12 days, four exams, and one final paper from today, I will be arriving at Honolulu International. My freshman year of college is all but over. What a scary thought. For months, all I could think about was what I wanted to do once I got home. All the places I wanted to eat, the beaches I wanted to visit, the people I wanted to see. But as it rapidly approaches, I can't help but be afraid.

I was chatting with one of my best friends last night. And he seemed so distant. And I know why. He's changed a lot, and in my opinion, not for the better. I know I'm not in a position to judge that, but there it is. I'm worried about him. And it really scares me that he feels so far away from me. Things have changed so much since I left 10 months ago. My visit during the winter was short and not really long enough to see the changes, but they're all I can think of now.

I'm still excited to get back there, but I'm also afraid of what I'm going back to. I'm just never satisfied am I? Not happy in D.C., afraid to go home, what's left? I've been hiding behind the idea that I would be so much happier if I were at home. But what if I go back and everything is different? What haven will I have left? What happens once I realize I don't have one?

There's so much to reflect on about this year. So many things to understand and place in the context of my life. But I guess those things will have to wait, because they're apparently still happening. I guess I'll just have to deal with them upon my return.