The American Dirt Phobia

Apr 30, 2008

So it was like in the eighties here last week (pretty incredible for Boston, right), and it was just really awesome, I'd had to come in for a break from the heat after being outside for several hours. Everyone was out enjoying the sun, the flowers were blooming--it was a perfect day for sitting on a blanket in the park and stretching bare feet into the grass.

So anyways, like I said I've been out there for a while, so I get up to walk back right, and it just feels so good to not wear shoes, plus the flats I'd been wearing were totally uncomfortable (I actually got them as dress shoes, and couldn't find my flip flops this morning), so I'm like, fuck it, I'll just walk the couple blocks back to the Doubletree with no shoes. And like FIVE freaking people legit went out of their way to stop me and be like, the ground is dirty. Uh, okay--NO SHIT SHERLOCK. Like, what am I, mentally retarded? I know I like to joke about being a country bumpkin and all, but I'm kind of perfectly aware of what city pavement and sidewalk is. And those five people were just the ones who said something--a lot of people looked at me weird too. And okay, I get that walking in a public place, particularly a street, without footwear, could be seen as slightly unconventional. But honestly, why the hell does it matter? Who cares if the ground is "dirty"? It's not HURTING me.

I mean, smoking KILLS people, and nobody (well except assholes) randomly approaches smokers on the street and is like, "excuse me, you know you're giving yourself lung cancer, right?" The worst thing being barefoot will do is get me athlete's foot (or if I'm a total idiot, I could always go out of my way to look for a broken bottle to step on), and not even likely--that particularly foot fungi enjoys moist places. Like showers. Like the dorm showers that are totally socially acceptable that everyone at college generally uses (or, even more common and applicable, showers in hotels). Speaking of hotels, does anybody have any idea how dirty comforters can be? You get fucking bed bugs and mites from that shit. Yeah. But nobody goes around being like, don't ever use your comforter (although they do say not to actually sleep with it directly on your skin sometimes).

Anyways, my point is, walking around barefoot isn't really a big deal because dirt isn't really a big deal (any of you eat food off the floor? Yes? No? Well I do, and I've been doing it for ages, and I've never gotten sick from it. Fuck the five second rule. I also eat really old leftovers, just for a bit of TMI), so people should just get over themselves. Dirt happens.