Elephant

Jun 24, 2008

He tells me he likes me just the way I am. He tells me not to change.

I walk along this line. I travel along the outskirts, in the badlands, between space and time.

He touches my face and slides his fingers in the wetness between my legs.

He tells me not to change.

When I was a little girl I had a yellow purse. I had five dollars and expired credit cards my mother gave me. I had a Drivers License made of construction paper and reinforced with a piece of card board.

I had a pack of bubble gum cigarettes.

I am never very far from that girl.

At night I have to pretend to be anywhere but where I am. The darkness frightens me.

Weird specs of color in the darkness. Entire galaxies, another dimension.

My feet slip into socks and I bury my face in the pillow.

When I was younger Monsters lived under my bed.

Now that I am older they linger in my bed, now they call me "baby" and kiss me too hard.

I usually have a rosary under my pillow, I have pages of books in my pillow case.

I have armor for my mind, and condoms for my body.

Waking up with the taste of blood in your mouth will never be something you will get use to.

I am only myself when I am alone.

In my room books fight with pens for position. Shoes scamper around. Windows refuse to open, and fans bring the only relief. Bras and panties share stories. High heels complain about bad dates.

There is a small wooden box, and it has all my secrets and dreams.

There is a face of a watch, a pair of earrings, a paper fan, lace gloves and a miniature elephant.

These are the things I will take when the walruses take over the world.

The watch can take me to different dimensions, to different worlds and sub Saharan deserts. The earrings can hypnotize and conquer. The paper fan can direct winds and the seas. It can shield me from any bullet or possum thrown at me. And the lace gloves, they know everything and can perform every task. I play instruments to lull the cryptic death mongers to sleep. They hold a crying woman whose tears can bring mermaids back to life.

And when I am done with this world and that world my elephant will grow and take me to a place where I can rest. Elephant understands my ways and inconsistencies.

He tells me not to change, but I can do nothing but change.