I hope that you are never anyone else except yourself. I totally agree with you (of course). Over the last couple years I have been on a quest to be as authentic as I can be. This is not easy to do in our society and especially in Los Angeles. It appears that human beings love to label each other and such labels cause us to try to live up to be what we are labeled (even when we label ourselves).

One example that I can't get out of my mind is how a former co-worker and current friend of mine would call me "attractive" once in a while. Most people would probably take this as a nice compliment and while my ego does enjoy such comments I realized that being called attractive was just a label. I believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder and while I might be attractive to one person I could be ugly to another. I realized that I'm not ugly and I'm not beautiful, I'm just me. And I like me (most of the time). True beauty is found when people just be themselves and stop trying to fit in a category or be someone else. Not being yourself is an unattractive quality.

I also recently observed how early we are taught not to be authentic. I was baby-sitting a 4 year-old a few days ago and he was counting his toys out loud. When he counted he would skip the number 13 and when he got to 29 he would continue by saying "twenty-ten," "twenty-eleven," and so on. I of course corrected him on this and told him the "right" way to count. When I did this he looked at me and said, "I do it differently, I count my own way." I immediately felt conflicted. He was expressing such a strong desire to be himself and not act how society wanted him to. I did not want to stifle his authenticity. I also realized that my criticizing his counting method had caused him stress. I caused a 4 year-old stress. However, I realized that although I might be very understanding of his new way of counting, his teachers, schools, and society would not be so understanding. I concluded that in order to function in modern society and be "successful" he would have to conform. There was no reasonable way around it. I had to squash his uniqueness. I felt guilty about it though. There was a part of me that just wanted to say "Okay, you can count in any way you want." This is obviously a very simple example, like the sand castle, but it clearly illustrates the point.

The point is that our tendency to project the "right way," labels, and expectations upon others causes stress and other problems. We would all be more peaceful if we just were ourselves. This is even evident in world conflict. Different countries try to impose their values onto other countries and even use force to try to do so. This is outrageous! We all need to just live and let live. Just be yourself and let others be who they are.

I am only 25, but I have spent most of my life trying to gain the acceptance of others. The main reason that I went to the high school and college that did was to gain the acceptance of my family and of society. There were little things that I did for myself, but I feel like most of my life has been spent pleasing others and being who I think they think I should be. No more.

Finally, I have broken free from this. I am able to be who I want to be without worrying about whether it is acceptable to others. I am still a work in progress, as we all are, but I am a very different person than I was 10 years ago. When I think about who I was back then, I think that I was mostly a simple reflection of the world around me. I wasn't actually being me, just a reflection. How sad is that? Of course there were little aspects of ME in there somewhere, but ME is only now showing itself in full.

Being the true me feels invigorating and freeing!

Thank you for you sending your thoughts to the rest of us. I have come to this realization within the last year. It took me about a full year to fully change my own way of thinking. With practice and determination, I was able to stop waiting for life to give me what I wanted. Instead, I have found that if I simply take action to change myself or change what is happening in my life I can do so. This is not always easy. It is easier to just sit back and complain and worry about what is wrong and be negative. But what I think we all need to realize is that complaining, worrying, and judging do not change anything! The only thing that makes a difference is action. Furthermore, we should not take such action to change others, because as you so articulately explain, this can be destructive and/or futile. We should simply take action to change ourselves. I suspect you understand my point.

I just read your Boo Boo comment and it struck me as a powerful message on a few levels. 1) A simple kiss will make it better and it doesn't have to be from someone else. Your daughter sounds independent. 2) The child's believe in the magic of a kiss. That innocence should never be lost and it makes me wonder if I ever had it. 3) The TV is on in the background with a Simply Red connect. As I read your comment, Holding Back the Years started playing and I thought what great timing.

I guess one message is daughter heal thy self. And always know that all of life's bumps can be made alright with a kiss. :o)

your basic message reminds me of what Don Miguel Ruiz says in his book The Mastery of Love.

Beautifully written...

I wonder how my life would have been if I had known someone with your insight and understanding of life when I was younger. Your presence here is going to make a difference in many people's lives.

I wish my parents had adopted your philosophy. I would have probably grown to my full potential much faster.

I enjoyed your insight. I agree with your ideas. However, I must ask, at what point do we consider that "we" are not living on this planet alone and we must consider the well being of others as well as our own? I would just like to think that I am caring enough for others so as to not hurt them while I live my life for me the way I want to...

I enjoyed your insight. I agree with your ideas. However, I must ask, at what point do we consider that "we" are not living on this planet alone and we must consider the well being of others as well as our own? I would just like to think that I am caring enough for others so as to not hurt them while I live my life for me the way I want to...