Gotta start somewhere.....

Apr 10, 2008 - 08:36 AM PST
I'm going to try to start writing a little at least once a week. I guess I'm relatively new to the whole blogging thing, and so not completely comfortable with it yet. I really don't know where to start. I have so much in my head...and rather than neat files, I have a huge heap of thoughts that randomly float in and out of my consciousness. Sometimes, like when I'm feeling creative, I like the random floaties. Mostly though, I wish I could organize a bit. Even now, I could write about so many things, but as soon as I start to grasp some thought its already on its way out. Grrrrr. I think my problem is that I get distracted easily. I'll try to think about one thing in particular and then my mind will just go off on tangent after tanget until I don't even know how I got on to a particular subject. This is a problem when I try to say some of those thoughts out loud. I think I often sound at least a little spacey. I wish ppl could just follow my thoughts without me ahving to explain them. Aaaahhh, that would definitely make my life a lot easier. Sometimes its so frstrating to explain something again that I'll just give up. :c) Must not be too important, right? Sometimes. Other times though it could have been extremely important. I've been known to convince myself something isn't important so that I don't have to figure out a way to explain. Does that even make sense? Maybe not. UUgghh, my brain hurts.
Ok, tangent time. Do you think you can feel your brain? Like, are there nerves in or on your brain? Sometimes when I think really hard about something or concentrate on something I think I feel something. Like how some muscles are involuntary but you are still aware of them and can still feel them. For some reason I think that makes me sound highly unintelligent. That my brain hurts when I think hard. I'm not unintelligent. Maybe I think harder than some ppl? Who knows? Next tangent, this is sort of related to ^ (and will also probably sound wierd): I have an irrational fear of thinking about my heart. My physical heart. If I let myself become too aware of it I think i get these phantom pains. Like a constricting feeling. I'm afraid if I think about it too much it will cease to be an involuntary action, that I will become in control of it and won't be able to handle it and it will just stop beating and I'll die. (kind of like how you breathe without thinking, but if you make yourself aware of it you can control it) I know this sounds insanely irrational and it is. I know it is, but can't help it. Uggh, jsut typing it now I can feel that constricting feeling. Wow. You know this is the first time I have ever expressed this fear to anyone in any way. Its strangely liberating...
Ok, well that's all the rambling I'll subject you to for now...

Gotta start somewhere.....

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2 Comments

Apr 11, 2008 - 10:46 AM

unum on
Ignore my "crackhead-esk" face itching... i have allergies.

Apr 10, 2008 - 10:30 AM

faeriel on
wut up b?