Change

Jun 18, 2008 - 11:59 AM PST
Three women today in a coffee shop were sharing their challenges with their spouses and children. Of course I eavesdrop, for I am always fascinated on what I can write about next in our culture. They went on and on about what they wanted to change in them- down to how many hours they should be doing homework to what their husbands/partners wear to work. It was interesting to hear how much it bothered them. That if only THIS could change then LIFE would be better. At least they would have something else to talk about for hours in a coffee shop. Or would they?

The more I am in the world the more I see how addicted to drama we are. We crave it. We love to sit with others and talk about what is not changing and why we are not happy with someone or something. We talk about our co workers, bosses and jobs like they have more power over us. Do they?

Why are we addicted to trying to change things that cannot change? Why is it so challenging to accept things in life as is, and base our choices off of that reality? For years I noticed how much I wanted my ex husband to change. I waited for him to become more open, communicative, spiritual, playful and free. Waited. Even though what he was demonstrating was none of these traits I believed that I would finally be happy if he became them.

Truth be known this waiting allowed me to not focus on myself. Realizing this was humbling yet freeing. Once I decided to focus on myself- begin to notice what I wanted to change within myself the less attached I was to others around me.
The one soul who has gifted me with this unconditional love and acceptance is my two year old daughter. When she came in to my life and the world I realized that there was nothing to change about her. I loved that she cried or didn’t cry, I loved that she wanted her milk right away, I loved how persistent she is about doing things quickly and how clear she can be about who and what she needs and wants. She gifted me with the understanding that I do not need to change her either. She may make choices that I do not prefer or agree with, but it is not my “job” to get her to live my life. I am only responsible for how I choose to live mine.
Sounds simple. But in our society that thrives off of waiting for others to change it can be very challenging to drop that game and be with one self. I do not want to wait for the world to change or our president to change in order to begin my life.
I can change within first. I can smile at a stranger or notice the judgmental garbage I hold in my own mind about others and myself. I can continue to release the need to have my daughter change to something I think she should be and focus on on thing only.
How I live my life. The choices I make and laughing from the inside out.

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Change


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1 Comments

Jun 19, 2008 - 13:51 PM

jslick on
Thank you for you sending your thoughts to the rest of us. I have come to this realization within the last year. It took me about a full year to fully change my own way of thinking. With practice and determination, I was able to stop waiting for life to give me what I wanted. Instead, I have found that if I simply take action to change myself or change what is happening in my life I can do so. This is not always easy. It is easier to just sit back and complain and worry about what is wrong and be negative. But what I think we all need to realize is that complaining, worrying, and judging do not change anything! The only thing that makes a difference is action. Furthermore, we should not take such action to change others, because as you so articulately explain, this can be destructive and/or futile. We should simply take action to change ourselves. I suspect you understand my point.