Grief

Apr 09, 2008 - 01:10 AM PST
I don’t know what I want
But at this late midnight hour
You come to mind

I want you
(or at least the you I think I knew)
But I know I’m not what you’re looking for
And that I don’t fit in with your world

I could make myself fit in
But it wouldn’t be authentic
And I wouldn’t be my authentic self
Whoever/whatever that is

It didn’t work the first time
So I don’t see why
I would expect it to work again

I just want you to feel me again
And for me to feel you too
‘Cause I’ve spent some of my best nights (and days)
Thinking about how we used to touch and kiss and…

Man, how I want that again
With you(?)

I want to be kissed on my neck
Right behind my ear
I want your strong hands to caress my back
And hold my body close to yours
I want us entangled into one beautiful mass of brown skin

It’s more about sensuality than sex
I just remember how much you used to love me
And how much you meant to me
And how I yearn for that type of love again

Maybe it won’t be you
But I hope he’s someone like you
Because I’ve set my standard at you:

Sexy
Strong
Ambitious
Handsome
Intelligent
Creative
Generous
Loving
Original
[etc., etc., etc.]

Damn, I could kick myself for messing the whole thing up

I’ve been denying everything for so long
And hiding my feeling deep down inside
I need to just let it out and let you go

So I’ll do what I need to do…
I’ll laugh (at our memories)
I’ll get angry (at my mistakes)
I’ll cry (about everything)
And then I’ll nurture myself and move on

I just can’t believe that it’s been six years
And after all I’ve been through…

I am finally grieving the loss of you

Grief


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1 Comments

Apr 21, 2008 - 19:20 PM

chicklitgurrl on
this is a beautiful piece...

i love the line: "I want us entangled into one beautiful mass of brown skin"

if you revise, play around with making your line breaks more "meaningful" in the top half of the piece, :-)