2 Stay or NOT 2 Stay...

May 28, 2008

That will be the Question! It seems this is NOT going to be the "Summer Of Love". It appears that all the couples I know are at that 2 yr. "Make It or Break It" stage. So my phone is ringing off the hook with sobbing women and confused men. Ok let me back up for a sec...Think about it...that First year with the one you have goo-goo eyes for is so wonderful, magical, passionate, A.K.A. the "Honeymoon" stage. The world revolves around just the two of you. You do things for her that you wouldn't normally think to do like opening the car door, she does the same for you like unexpected back rubs after you come home from work. Things couldn't be better, and then...that 2yr marker comes creeping in and suddenly it's "Get your own door", and "My hand hurts too much to rub your back". I have seen this happen over and over to many couples of different race, age, creed, class, ect. It makes some of the couples stronger as they work through this stage, but for others it's that total breaking point. Why does this always happen at this 2 yr mark in a couples relationship? I might have a clue...? (This is just based on my non-professional middle-of-the-night counseling sessions, and on-the-outside-observations) What I've noticed in each of these relationships is during the first year " Honeymoon" stage, each of these couples made so many compromises to please their new love interest that they eventually lost who they were as an individual! example: A guy who once liked going to the sports bar every Friday with his boys ,compromised to going once or twice a month. He didn't mind at first because he really liked spending these extra days with his new love interest. She liked spending Sundays reading a fav book in PJ's all day , but compromised to watching Sunday football games and reads on another day ! The compromise works for a while because each person in the relationship is still getting what they want even on a limited basis, but they are also getting to spend time together so they don't feel the loss of themselves...YET! As time goes on and more compromising continues to the point where it becomes one sided and now she never reads, but watches football all the time...the breakdown begins. Eventually she starts to feel controlled, neglected, smothered, depressed ect. Then one Sunday she stays in bed in PJ's and picks up a book. She remembers that she did like to do other things that were not related to just his interests, but he views this change as a threat and beings to feel that she doesn't want to be with him any more. Now this is just one example, but the loss of self is the common factor in each of these relationships. Also, the fact that this always comes to light at the 2yr mark tells me that we are willing to make these compromises for a duration of almost 2yrs, and then It becomes the "Make It or Break It Year". If a couple is strong enough and has a genuine respect for one another they have a high success rate of working through this stage and becoming an even stronger couple than when they were in the "Honeymoon" stage. However if they do not well than things could get messy! I once read a quote that summarizes my point: "Don't make someone else your everything because if they leave you'll be left with Nothing"!!! I hope these couples I know are all strong enough to make it through this stage...but only time will tell!