Uzed

March 28, 2008

I dont understand why life is turning out the way it is!
Okay so i have this friend of mine we run CC together. Anyways sense this year was the year that i decided to make all new friends, i decided why not start hanging out with his friends group. So everything has been going okay i like the group sept for a few people but it was a nce feeling to feel like i had a good group of friends like last year. But after a whicle me and the guy stopped talking as much. then out of the blue we started htalking again and hanging out again. well then like a week after we started hanging again he told me he wanted to take my best friend to prom. so being the type of guy i am i started to play match maker so we started hanging out alot the three of us. then he decides he didnt want to go to prom with someone he didnt know very well; which i totally get but, then he asked another girl without telling me and my friend. And all of sudden all of the plans that we made to hang out started to get cancelled. And i hate it when my plans get changed cause being the OCD kid that i am i start freaking out. so finally I asked him if we were even friends oir if he was just using me to get to my friend. And he was actually truthful which i respect but still. He said that he does admit that one of the reasons why we were hanging out so much was so he could get to know my friend, and that we dont hang out that much anymore because the majority of his friends dont like me. and then said that he was sorry and said that he would call me over spring break to hang out.....well spring break is coming to an end and to attempt of contact has been made by him.

the sad thing is that i think i relized what was hapening the entire time but i dont know i think i liked the feeling of being needed and that blinded me and now im hurt. i know i talk about my feelings a little bit too much for a guy but maybe im just sensitive casue people have put me through so much SHIT in my life. I donmt even know why im writing all of this crap about my life on here cause whats it going to do ....make my life better??....doubt it

There was a time when I had lots of friends but now it seems like i dont have that many and it just depresses me each and every single day a little bit more. knowing that others out having fun and im cleaning the house(which i actually enjoy on a some sort of sick level) and listening to some deathcab eating jelly beans, and finish the night off with staying up watching episodes of scrubs or friends wishing my life was just like that. Having close friends that you are more close with than your family. I want that feeling and that is one of the reasons whyu im not happy

infact i dont even remeber what being truely happy feels like. I mean i have a good times all the time but I cant say im actually happy because i know the moment will be over and ill be back in reality.