confrontation

March 14, 2008

Confrontation is something that is terrifying, but why is it so scary. When it comes down to it confrontation is just standing up for what you believe in. Insecurity may play a role in this but I really don't think that it has everything to do with fear of confrontation. It may have something to do with putting your feelings out there. Once they're out in the open; there is no way to take it back. Everyone knows how you feel, and that is even more scary. When we tell people exactly how we feel we're opening ourselves up to be destroyed. It could turn your whole life around. It could make you lose friends that you really care about, and it can also attract people to you that you may not want to be associated with. All I know is that I hate telling people how I really feel, and when I do I usually end up crying or freaking out. Its almost like my emotions go haywire every time I try to stand up for myself, or something that I really care about. Most of the time I don't say anything, and I've become the eternal doormat. This is a well known fact with everyone that knows me. They say it out in the open. "You're just so fun to make fun of" is the most common thing people let slip when they're drunk. I'm just the equivalent of Jan on "The Brady Bunch". I guess everyone needs a punching bag, but people rarely think about what's going on inside the head of the person they're constantly abusing. Over time I've just learned to make fun of myself so I don't have to tell them that it bothers me. When I do tell them how much they're hurting my feelings; they tell me that I'm overreacting. "We were just having some fun, you know that. Stop being such a baby about this". If having feelings is being childish; then I guess I am just a big baby, but it doesn't make me feel any better.