Trapped

Aug 24, 2008


DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO SLIPPING OVER THE EDGE,
FALLING FAST, JAWS CLENCHED TIGHT…
BREEDING KARMIC DESTRUCTION…
DOWN LIFE’S TWISTED ROAD, WANDERING WITHOUT A PLAN,
NO INSTRUCTION OR SIMPLE INTRODUCTION…

JUST TOLD DON’T ASK ANY QUESTIONS, DON’T SAY A WORD,
NOBODY WOULD BELIEVE YOU, IF YOU TRY …
SO I LAID THERE IN SILENCE, AS TEARS FELL FROM MY EYES.
FORGOT WHAT HAD ONCE BEEN IMPORTANT –
NOT EVEN SURE WHY IT IS,
NOTHING I’VE DONE - SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN DONE RIGHT…

AT LEAST THATIS THE WAY I PERCEIVE THINGS TO BE,
THEN AGAIN WHAT DO I KNOW –
I’M JUST A LOOSE CANNON, READY TO BLOW…
ISN’T THAT WHAT YOU BELIEVE?
OR DO YOU SAY ALL THE RIGHT WORDS THAT WILL BE SURE TO GET A RISE?
WHEN YOU’VE HAD YOUR SAY, YOU EXPECT ME TO MOVE ON AND FORGET,
YOU’LL FIND ANOTHER PERSON YOU, NO DOUBT WILL VICTIMIZE…


KNOWING ALL ALONG,
THE WORLD IN WHICH I LIVE,
HAS BECOME TOO BLIND TO SEE BENEATH THE SURFACE OF MY SKIN…

THAT HAS THICKENED OVER TIME,
ACTING AS A SAFEGUARD TO KEEP FROM THE DISAPPOINTMENT,
AND THE PESSIMISM THAT FOLLOWS EACH THOUGHT -
CONTINUING TO STRUGGLE UPHILL, I FALL BEHIND…
MAKING EACH STEP I TAKE, FEEL AS IF I’M NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT -
AND IT AS THOUGH I’VE BEEN BOUND BY INVISIBLE CHAINS…



QUIT BELIEVING THAT EVENTUALLY I’D BE FOUND TO BE ADEQUATE,
AFTER TRYING TO CHANGE EVERYTHING WITHIN MYSELF, I’D BEEN TOLD WASN’T RIGHT…
NONE OF IT MATTERED, ONLY I’VE SPENT AN ENTIRE LIFETIME THINKING IT DID,
AND I FEEL I’VE LOST THIS UNENDING FIGHT…

TRYING TO BE SOMEONE I COULD NEVER BE…

MY VERY EXISTENCE SEEMS TO BE SO COMPLICATED…
NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO SUCCEED,
IN FACT I NEVER ONCE HAD CONTEMPLATED
CONSIDERING THAT MY EFFORTS HAD GONE UNAPPRECIATED,

WHAT IS IT THAT IS BEING REQUIRED OF ME?
WHAT HAVE I DONE THAT MADE ME FEEL I’D NEVER HAVE PROTECTION…?
FOREVER ON GUARD, YES! THAT IS MY WAY,
MY WAY OF COVERING UP THE PAIN OF LIFES’ CONTINUOUS REJECTION…


KNOWING ALL ALONG,
THE WORLD IN WHICH I LIVE,
HAS BECOME TOO BLIND TO SEE BENEATH THE SURFACE OF MY SKIN…

THAT HAS THICKENED OVER TIME,
ACTING AS A SAFEGUARD TO KEEP FROM THE DISAPPOINTMENT,
AND THE PESSIMISM THAT FOLLOWS EACH THOUGHT -
CONTINUING TO STRUGGLE UPHILL, I FALL BEHIND…
MAKING EACH STEP I TAKE, FEEL AS IF I’M NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT -
IT’S AS THOUGH I’VE BEEN BOUND BY INVISIBLE CHAINS…
TIME AND TIME AGAIN….

I PRAY TO GOD NOTHING LASTS FOREVER…

August 24, 2008 - MBS