a walk

Feb 05, 2008 - 23:09 PM PST

Yesterday began in a strange way. i have my routine when i wake up, at 6:50 every morning. i crawl out of bed after the first alarm, hit my computer 'on' with my foot, and go to the bathroom to grab my toothbrush. While brushing i come back to the computer, check my email. Finish brushing, get dressed, back to the computer. Out of the house by 7:15. Walk to work along the same roads and get there by roughly 7:27. Yesterday, everything went as planned, minus the walk. While walking on my usual road i notice on the south side of the street a mother and son i've seen before while walking. They always seemed rushed. The boy must be no more than five or six. Yesterday they were walking fast, as usual, and the boy was trailing behind a little bit. And then the mom started running so the boy started running to keep up. His little legs were going so fast. i practically burst into tears right then and there. Why? Well, that's the question.

The mom kept running and the boy kept trying to keep up and at one point i thought i heard him kind of whimper. Then i realize why they're running; they're trying to catch a bus that is about to round the corner.

i think maybe boys that age affect me because it's about the age my little brother was when i left home. He's such a person now, it's unreal. i feel like i missed all his growing up. When he was born (when i was 15) people used to ask if he was mine. He was such a neat baby and i watched him come into the world and now it's almost like i don't know him at all.

The other reason i think it hit me so hard has to do with a reoccuring nightmare i have. Usually it involves either my sister and i or my brother and i and we are being left behind by my mom on this street and we're trying to get her to stop but she doesn't listen and keeps getting farther and farther away. It's a strange dream for me to have repeatedly -- especially since i *know* my mom isn't the type to abandon, that was always my dad's job. But he's never the one leaving me behind in the dream.