and it keeps coming til the day it stops

Mar 07, 2008 - 23:44 PM PST

Every single day of my life, I make an elaborate Things to Do list in which I attempt to create some semblence of normalcy for my mind. So I make these lists, which usually include endless bullets of professors' names whom I need to send e-mails or the ridiculous suggestion of achieving self-actualization according to Maslow's hierarchy of motives (usually following an annotation referencing my need for the LCD Soundsystem album). But the most frustrating thing is that nothing substantial ever really seems to get accomplished. As long as I can keep crossing little lines through the transitory tasks of returning calls and renewing my license, I find it's easy to put off things that carry much more weight, weight that's entirely entangled in emotion: Figure out what you're passionate about before you get tied down. Address the fact that you're in a relationship that doesn't work. Learn the tiniest bit of independence and stop counting on your father to support you financially. These are the things that are put off by bullet points that say "use mani-pedi gift certificate before the weekend." And it kind of disgusts me, but at the same time, at least I'm a little bit aware that these lists include everything from standard collegiate annoyances to the insights of my own off-beat eccentricity. It's just so hard to be productive and make decisions about important and life-changing things at the same time.

And so, I've decided to stop with the lists. I was forced to stop with the lists. And it really gives a person alot of time to think. Think, Do, Create. It's fucking awesome. You just have to remember to accomplish what needs accomplishing.