and its all gone.... and im continuing with decisions...

Jan 27, 2008 - 23:49 PM PST

Just as I open up this site, there a knock on the door and within 10 minutes my boxes are all gone. I guess it is like how I imagined but still a bit strange. Last night just before I fell asleep I felt my mind wnadering through the boxes, like I could see inside them and saw some of the items through in the dark light of the boxes.

But what is more exciting for me is that i actually had a dream that when I woke up with the alarm, so was woken in the middle, did not seem to be a tense dream, or at least the moment was not a tense one. Usually all my dreams are stressful or full of fears. Anyway, when I woke I had just been back to my first school. I had visited there for the first time in years (as we moved away from the area when I was 12) and the secretary had not been so friendly, so in my dream I was saying as I walked up to another secretary that I knew she could not help me, but wanted to introduce myself as having been to the school when I was younger. She was very friendly and invited me in gave me a cup of tea and I was telling her how I needed to make another decision about work...She was saying I needed to think carefully etc... While we were drinking tea a past colleague from the Kindergarten where I first taught here in Vienna, (who is not like a best friend or anything, but we always got on,) came past carrying things as if she was a teacher and said 'What you should do is take a year out?'

Then I woke up, but happy as well I guess it said very clearly in a sense what I guess I wish for. To not be overly busy with one job or something, maybe even the job I do not being connected to what I really want to do or anything, and then really look into and get some experience in some different areas...

Of course the thing is I know I need to earn enough money to live by and am quite interested by a job in my old work. Before the summer when I had decided to leave my first Kindergarten after 4 years and being an English Native Speaker with Kindergarten experience and a Montessori training, i had lots of opportunities. I nearly took a up a couple of job offers before in the end turning them down, for what in the end was a good choice. Before I had always drifted in a sense from one job to the other (even though I applied for them,) and this time I had really decided to stay clear to my dreams and hopes about a job... and to have the feeling that I also had the right to have those kind of jobs that I was always jealous of other people having. It took a long time and was very stressful and hard at some points, but it really worked, as my body really told me how I was feeling. An example is the simple thig of one weekend when I thought I was taking one job, which had lots of great possibilties, I could not sleep and felt so ill, and I so from that knew that it was not the right decision.

Anyway, lets see... I am very interested in the job from my old work, for quite a few reasons and and know that how much I enjoy it depends on what I make of the job and if I follow my intincts and do more in the areas of it that interest me. But now need to work out what are the elements that I will need to do in the job and work out how much scope there is for the other things that interest me. Its what I am always reminded of...

I think I am starting to trust my insticts again after a time about a couple of years ago when I felt distraught about something, and mainly because I had trusted my instincts and didnt know what to start from and what to rely on as such after the occasion.