And To Top it All Off...

Apr 05, 2008 - 12:35 PM PST

So I was talking to my Mom yesterday in between grunts of extremely crunchy celery, buffalo wings, hot sauce and tater tots. It sounds hard to eat and talk and I certainly didn't use utensils - I don't want to seem too evolved. I was talking to her as I sat in the cafeteria at school and more and more of my classmates passed me by. How does one manage to look pretty and dignified with hot sauce all over their mouth and celery in their teeth? Wearing a ratty old sweater and an awkwardly patterened headband. I sucked, then I consoled myself with the fact that if I saw one of them I would be too preoccupied on wether to speak or not than to notice what they were dressed like. Hopefully everyone is as neurotic as I am.

So for the third time, I was talking to my Mom and the approval she gave to my going abroad next year was revoked. Does NO ONE FUCKING GET IT?! Argh. ARRRRRGH. The stress is on again. You see, I just can't stay here another year. I don't want to like, even stay in this state, or probably in this country. Its so much of the SAME. I don't want to spend another year waiting for my life to begin. ARGH. Everyone I talk to says that you aren't wasting it, you are gaining credits.

I couldn't give less of a fuck about credits. I want to live my life, not glide through it. If I were volunteering somewhere I might not be achieving my dreams but I'd be building someone else's life. You know? I can't describe it. Life at this point just seems to fruitless. I just...I don't know. I need to work out another Plan B, and if that means that I move out of this house and live by myself while doing work fulltime, so be it. I just know I can't be a little childling anymore. As much as its terrifying I need to know that I can do this retarded existence on my own without being under someone else's rule. So STICK IT Dad.

With that angry proclamation, I need to do laundry. Boo.