back forth and back

Mar 03, 2008 - 08:42 AM PST

where do you go from here. when you're standing in a full room but no ones there. the east or the west coast, which ways home. stuck with my head in the window, watching everyone come and go and screaming non-sensible.

it's four am and you're sleeping, three hours behind and i'm dreaming. blue and black and the red lines don't do enough justice to my chalk white outside. can you feel my muddled eyes searching for you on the other side, where do you call home when you're not sure where to go. the east or west coast, i've seen snow fall and the sun rise over water. it never seems to be enough, well anything is good when you stare into the dark.

i've been struggling to tell you everything, to let the sun come up over me and shine bright the pulsing doubt i've been struggling to escape with. running from coast to coast in search of a home, a place to stay for days and days and lay. sleep where the walls aren't changing state every other day. i stay on the outside of town with the hope that someday we'll drive far away, that house i never want to see again, if i ever had my way. there's so many words and your attention isn't what it used to be. i can see your eyes dart past me well i've tricked you once into thinking there was an escape. the hope that someday we'd be further than you could dream that someday you'd head the goodbye screams


when we were kids we'd play cowboys, make up stories of our future glories
now we shoot to kill and my lunch box is filled with a million colored pills
what we need to make it through the day


i'd hold my breath until the end if i knew it were enough, i've been calling their names for so long and never shut up. i'm still lying on the floor next to the heart you cut up, giving in to love was never giving up. here we are on a burned out map, resting hard for the long road ahead, i'm tired of walking can we take the train. or maybe if you carry me a little further there won't be the energy to complain, of what a disheveled disappointment you've come back to. someone unknown you gave birth to. every miserable comment i've shot at you. i'd hold my breath until the end if i knew it were enough, i'd save a thousand stars to sew into your heart if i knew it were enough. sit on the bottom of the ocean and never come up if it were enough. i'd pick up the phone and call if i knew you'd pick up. it's dark and it's getting darker and i've been fucking up. i'm sorry darling, i've got to run off again. the monster inside my head tells me to look for another place to begin, i wish i could chain it away and find the quiet. how do i rebuild the city now?