Band-Aid Nation

Feb 20, 2008 - 10:23 AM PST

We live in a quick fix society. Our world is filled with infomercials, advice columnists and experts constantly putting forward 5-10 step plans, medications or other ideas that are supposed to magically change everyone's life for every problem under the sun. If you're worried about anything from diet, to mental health, to fixing your house to any self-esteem issue -- someone has an answer just waiting for you. And most people are looking for whatever they can find to change their lives instantly. I can't even begin to count the number of people who have asked me to tell them what they need to do even if it isn't going to help them, just prying me to tell them something. But at the end of the day the miracle doesn't come in one quick fix, it comes with a lot of work and examination.

Sure we can read the tabloids about people who developed self-esteem issues, because they were called flat chested, so they got double D’s by means of some revenge plastic surgery, but it doesn't mean their insecurities changed immediately. We can also read reports about college students who around finals time fill bowls with all of their ADD and ADHD medications to get a quick study fix, but it doesn't mean they can learn quicker. Or other people who take all types of medications for all health issues, but don't change their lifestyles to deal with the problems. Yes, I'm talking about the person with the heart problem who takes blood pressure meds, but still smokes, drinks and doesn't exercise and the person with the mental disorder who goes to therapy, rehab and takes meds because they have to, but doesn't get that just going through the motions won't change their issue. It seems one of the core concerns facing our quick fix society is the need to get rid of the problem as soon as we possibly can. You can download a program on your computer to do a lot of things and access information faster than ever before, so why can't we just make our problems disappear? And even deeper in the core of this issue are a lot of serious self-esteem problems and an immense desire to no longer feel whatever pain may be plaguing someone. But no matter which quick fix solution you try you're still going to have to do some work, and ultimately that's a good thing.

My major problem with people who make a living off of telling other people what they need to do with their lives is that in a lot of cases each person needs to come to that conclusion on their own. I know that some people just need to hear it from someone else or need to get yelled at about their bad relationship, inability to get a job or whatever else may be plaguing them, but for a lot of people that turns into a need of theirs, to constantly have someone tell them what's wrong instead of doing the work themselves. And yes there are people who with a little encouragement can develop the tools to figure things out on their own, but every time I see some infomercial or some TV/Radio "psychoanalyst" telling someone how to fix the problem, I cringe. I worry that in our need to dumb down everything into an easy to follow step by step guide to life that we're missing out on the cathartic work necessary to grow as people and end up going through the motions, even when we don't know where they lead.

So if you find yourself ordering Bowflex one night, because you want rock hard abs, or you're dealing with a friend who doesn't want to do the real work to deal with whatever they may be dealing with -- I want you to know that it's ok to be patient and take the time to remind them that things won't change in a major way for the better unless they're able to identify their issues and do all of the work necessary to deal with them. There's a big difference between someone telling you what to do and working it out with someone in therapy or other ways.

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