1 Beginning.

Dec 20, 2007 - 23:06 PM PST

My name is Dalton. I am sixteen years old and figuring out life. I came to this website to watch the show which i liked, and ended up leaving behind my own blog. I fully realize that there is a chance that no one will read this and if they do they might think it is completely stupid and a waste of their time. But i am not posting blogs for those people. Or even the people that do like these (on the off chance that they exist) i am posting these for no one other than myself. Lets get started shall we? Well since you already know my name i will clue you into a couple other things about me. I have blonde hair, blue eyes, light skin that doesnt get darker no matter how long i sit in the sun. I get lucky if im burned for a week or two but then it peels off to reveal the milky tone hiding underneath.I am gay and to most people still in the closet. I have told close friends and one of my brothers, the oldest one, and my Aunt but there are still quite a few people i have not told yet. Mainly my Uncle for reasons i will explain later.I have blue eyes so im the cliche blonde haired blue eyed californian boy. Except if you got to really know me then you know i am far from cliche. Im not really bragging when im saying im unique because frankly i wish i was the same as everyone else. Life would be easier that way. Anyways enough about me for the moment. I am going to tell you about my family now. My fmaily is strange and pretty much a chaotic mess. I am the youngest of three.... well six technically but the other three i dont talk to and havent seen since i was about a year old. My mother passed away in July of this year. It is a long story, she had a brain tumor and during the removal surgery the surgeon cutting her skull went too far and hit her brain. It was that little mess-up, that one little mistake, just about a milliopnth of an inch, that changed my life forever. My mom was reduced to a vegetable, not being able to eat, drink or move on her own. The doctors said that the brian damage would not go away and that chances of her getting better were slim to none. I cried alot and still do from time to time. She passed away after three years of being in that state. My mom was all that i really had and when she passed i went into a very dark place inside of my heart. I closed myself off from people but soon afterward i realized that it is alright to love, even if you love the person. As Lee Anne Womack says in her song "I Hope You Dance" "Loving might be a mistake, But its worth making." so since then i have tried to live a normal life... notice how i used the word tried, Well my father was out of the picture way before my mom. But his leaving was by choice, not fate. He is a major alcoholic and dips into drugs often. When i was younger my mom made him chose between his habits and our family. I guess a life of illegal substances was more appealing to him than helping my mom raise me and my brother. My brother that is closest in age is Sean. He is seventeen and not necessarily categorized as a "bro" but close enough. He spends his time riding bikes and getting injured. He does a lot of sports and always has.... no necessarily sports like baseball and such but he races motocross and rides BMX bikes. He used to skateboard and ride these anoyingly loud scooters with motors called GO-Peds. he moved from those into dirt bikes and has done those since. When we were younger he would always be outside doing something stupid, yet somehow every other person believed to be interesting, while i spent my time reading books and playing with action figures. I soon moved out of the action figure stage even though a large bag of them still resides under my bed i do not play with them anymroe. Which im prertty sure is a good thing. The last time i checked a sixteen year old who played make believe with his star wars action figures didnt exactly scream healthy social life. I still read however. Anyways back to my brother. Me and him fight constantly and are at eachothers throats like wild dogs a good eighty percent of the time. My mom used to hate it and would get upset when we fought but i think it was the closeness in age mixed with the fact that we a re polar opposites that made us butt heads so often. When my mom passed my brother went through a denial phase. I however skipped that phase. I was grief and anguish the whoel time. I still am since her death was so recent. I want to believ things will get easier but at the saem time im not ready to move on. My brother didnt cry much. He stayed silent and strong and would rather pretend he was perfectly fine than actualy god forbid, show emotion. I was mad at him for a while because of his seemingly uncaring view on the trageddy but aftera bit of time i realized that despite how he showed it, he was still feeling the same amount of pain as me. Recently we have been getting along more decently. Aside form him i have on e other sibling that i keep in contact with. His name is Bobby. He is 25 and lives in L.A. He is a dancer and has gone very far with his life. He is my inspiration that someone can go from a life such as mine and actually be great at something. I live with Sean and My Uncle Chris. My Uncle is my mothers sister since i dont speak with my dads side of the family. Lets just say that they arent the sanest people you will ever meet. And not in a "oh how cute they are a little crazy" way but in a like "wow is it possible to be this mentally unstable?" sort of way. Anyways we live with my uncle Chris who is in his early forties and has a horrible temper. He has the best inentions at heart but if something gets him angry he is not afraid to be very open about it. He takes things too far a lot of the time and i suspect he is bipolar. My legal guardian however is my Aunt Connie, (my moms sister) she is a very eccentric woman whos hair is bleached and stands out among any crowd. She is short and somewhat dumpy. She has cared for me and my rbother since my mothers death and has a lot of responsibility on her shoulders. My Aunt has dealt with a lot in her life. Overall she is a very kind and loving woman who in many ways reminds me of my mother. I dont live with ehr however because my uncles house is closer to my school and my aunts home tends to be overrun by friends of hers and her husbands that are usually the definition of white trash and smell like beer and marijuana or animal urine or sometimes even a combination of the two. Since i would rather not surround myself with these sort of people i decide to live in my uncles home. HE makes it clear that it is his house too. Constantly reminding me that it is his house and me and my brother are just living in it doesnt really help me get even the slightest feeling of having an actual home. When i think about it, a home is a placce where you are comfortable to be yourself and are at peace. THe only thing tht has ever made me feel this way is my mother. And since she is gone i guess i dont have one anymore. So when i think about it i am in a way homeless. But that would just make me way too much like my dad for me to cope with. Well now that you have a somewhat small introduction to my life i will continue later.