Blah!!

Feb 27, 2008 - 07:32 AM PST

So I woke up this morning to a friggin fight with my boyfriend! I cannot stand the fact that he doesn't understand that I'm busy with school and I can't drop everything and come see him when he wants me to. I do love him, he's a great guy..but if he doesn't get off my ass about things, its not going to work. I told him point blank that if he didn't want to be with me then just end it...and I got the same response I always get "I don't want that because I do love you and I don't want us to be over." Well then do something about your jealousy dammit! Just because I have friends who are WILLING to come visit me when they're at home from college...and you never WENT to college...don't take it out on me. Do something about it! RIGHT?

Anyway, everything is resolved..I told him that he needs to calm his ass and just get his stress out..and then come talk to me. I'm still hanging out with Ray tomorrow night because I had promised him that and I do want to meet him finally...after four years of talking online! :-D I love that kid, he's like my knight in shining armor, he's a soon to be college grad with a full time job to boot and he's going to be an engineer...he's friggin' smart and he's gonna be LOADED...so that means we can open the daycare center that I've always wanted to open! He knows about my dog, calls him the stupid mutt...but I still love him anyway. He's going to be a great dad...since we're both only children we have a lot to look forward to if we do end up together. I guess I shouldn't be talking about things like that since I have a boyfriend...but I don't see a future with Nik, he's a good guy and I do care about him...but I just don't think its going to work because my lifestyle is way different than his and he wants to bring girls back to his house...alone...with no one else around. When I hang out with my friends, I hang out with them in public places or like with my friends or something, I don't take them to my room alone and friggin do God knows what with them....dammit.

But yeah, I think we need to sit down and talk about life because I don't know as this is going to be the best of relationships for either of us and if its going to end I want it to be over before we both get really hurt. I love Nik, I want to be his friend because we are so close...but we've become more like best friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't get it? Someone needs to help me understand why I'm doing this to myself...why can't I just be happy with who I'm with and not try to fuck things up by bringing someone else into the picture? I know that Ray is a great guy..he's silly, crazy, and nutty just like me and we're both college grads. I always pictured the father of my children as a college graduate...is that such a crime!? I mean I want them to see him as a good role model, not someone who went out and partied every weekend and played in the mud because he found it "fun." I mean yes, I do like playin in the mud as much as the next hillbilly redneck bitch but come on, you gotta have more than that going for you...right?

I dont' think Nik does have anything else for him...he's got a dead end job, a dog that he hates, two vehicles that dont' run well and even though he has a house of his own, its an old hunting cabin up in the woods and its kinda sketchy. I dont' like going there and he gets pissed because I won't come up there...but why would I seclude myself in the woods with him when I can be out with people I care about and playing games and talking and being goofy. He's completely not the person I started dating two months ago, he's become a hard-ass and a jerk a lot of the time. I really wish someone would slap him up and show him that he's being stupid as fuck! But I can't do that because he told me that he doesn't trust me...and he even accused me of SLEEPING AROUND! What a JERK! God! :-( I hate when people just can't be happy with what they have, I can't help that I've been sick as hell the last week and I haven't wanted to hang out with him...its not my fault. Just because I have friends that I want to hang out with, now he thinks its ok that he hangs out with his ex-girlfriends again...whatever, if you do that...we're over....sounds reasonable? At least I'm not hanging out with my ex's...they're just friends of my ex's(oops!) Better luck next time...person that I hate more than life!(MY EX IS A FAG..stay away from him ladies!)

I really need to find someone who understands me, because I don't think Nik wants to try. I give up!!! To be quite honest I'm done with everything right now, I'm gonna go clean up a little and go to work.... cuz ya know...I have to make me some cash so I can finish paying off my car so I can get the hell out of here for a while!!! Gator Nation HERE I COME!


Peace and love =>
Kimberly