Can someone please explain how fate works?!

May 08, 2008 - 23:17 PM PST

Because I'm so confused.
I always thought fate was something like if something bad happens, something good is soon to come.
If that's true...fate owes me a lot of fucking good.

I guess it all started with my dad being fucking retarded and getting himself all stupid in his car accident. But even back then things weren't that bad, not as bad as they are now.
You know how you can normally pick yourself up after one bad thing? Yea, well at this point for me there is no reason for me to even try.
Tues sucked. I went for my drivers test so I could get my awesome summer job again...but of course that just had to be one of those "murphy law" days.
1.)My car broke down the night before...took forever to find someone that would let me use their car...once I did my aunt called off work so she could.
2.)I couldn't find my permit paper so I had to buy a new one..$22 down the drain...
3.)Then I unscheduled myself -_-.
4.)And the last thing..I failed..so that was a wasted day for my aunt.
5.)Since my car broke down..my moms boyfriend had to take me to work the night before. He hates me. Made me cry on the way up to work and all the way back home.

The side effects from failing:
-I don't get the summer job.
-I can't drive around. (which even if I pasted I wouldn't be able to since I still don't have a car)
-I have to quit the job I have now
-One again I'm reminded I'm a failure...only making me more scared of trying other things.

And to make things better that night a kid I haven't talked to in a month or two IMs me asking me if I was still getting the job and how everyone how that always talks about me and misses me and cants wait to see me again.
I started to ball again. :/


But on the other hand, I can see how fate has worked for me before.
If I would of stayed in college I would of probably dated someone and been horribly crushed once I saw him for his true self.
Also two door down from my first dorm..caught on fire. Lol

I guess my dad becoming a fuck up has shown me never to do drugs...or become involved with anyone that does.

And I bet you're saying to yourself "But it's only a stupid job...who cares get another one" No, wrong it wasn't just another job. It was something I loved doing. I woke up every morning at four am excited to go to work. Who the hell gets excited about holding a damn traffic sign in those hot summer days, on the road, making angry people late for their jobs?
So I'm screwed out of my fucking amazing fun job full of people I loved and they seemed to like me..to be stuck in a shitty fast food place selling rock hard donuts that when thrown in a trash bag rips threw to the other side and warm coffee to bitchy, never satisfied people.

I guess I'll just sit back and wait for my good to come