Dealing with Nikki

Mar 21, 2008 - 20:41 PM PST

So there's this woman in my life...her name is Nikki, and she's my mother's significant other.
In short, she's my mom's girlfriend. Also, I cannot stand this woman. I know that people who don't know me will probably think that it's because she's a lesbian, and my mom became a lesbian and started dating her. But it's not about that. It's so much more than any stupid deragatory issue. This woman has changed my mom. It may be selfish, but I used to be the brightest part of my mom's life. I was the most important person in her life. But then she met Nikki. And then she fell in love. And now here I am, stuck with this woman who has slowly inched her way into my life until she's taken over. My mom does whatever she says. Hell, we were at the shoe store the other day, and my mom was picking out a pair of shoes, and she ACTUALLY said "Nikki won't like these." And I was like...why wouldn't she like them? And my mom said, because they're girly. I was thinking to myself, okay, REALITY CHECK. YOU ARE A GIRL! AND THESE SHOES ARE NOT FOR NIKKI THEY ARE FOR YOU! GET OVER YOURSELF.
It just pisses me off so bad. To see how love has made her blind, has made her dependent.
For christs sakes, they call eachother eight times a day, normally more, and chat for like fifteen minutes, half an hour, EACH TIME! I can't freaking stand it! This woman is not my mother. She's some love-sick puppy who can't think for herself. And the worst part is? She used to be wonderful and independent and she cared and she actually ASKED about what was going on in MY LIFE! Now, she doesn't ask those things. I actually TELL her about my crushes just to make sure she still knows I'm alive! She only cares about Nikki. It used to be just me and her. And I was happy...and I thought that she was happy too. But maybe not. Maybe it was just me who was happy, happy to be the number one thing in her life. Now, I don't even feel like I'm in her top ten. And I can't even tell her. Because no matter what she's still my mother, and I love her, and I don't want to hurt her. But god, how to I keep all this shit to myself.
I guess it isn't really to myself anymore though, is it? This part of me is out there now, for all to see.