Diary of The Only One Lonely: Alone

Aug 10, 2008 - 09:34 AM PST

I've been avoiding everything good life has to offer. I'm hiding away from the things that could hurt my feelings. And everything has been hurting my feelings lately.

I'm battered and bruised and I don't know if I'm recovering or the damages are permanent. I think it's most probably the later.

I've been thru too many hard times in such a short period of time that I feel I can't breathe. I'm in pain but I can't scream. I tried to sleep it off but it keeps coming back.

And I am afraid.

I blame the whole world. Simply because I had no where to turn, no where to go. I'm falling and there's nothing to break my fall. I just want to stay in and hope everything will go away.

And I wonder.

I've ran out of reasons. I have no reason to smile or laugh. No reason to be angry or upset. I have no reason to cry. No reason to earn or to give. No reason to be found. No reason to live.

And yet here I am writing this. Still believe there's a better life waiting beyond the ocean. Hoping to find reasons again.

So stupid of me to think so...

I don't know what to do. I don't know anything anymore. Everything is so hard and comprehension seems impossible.

I don't think I can deal with the pain again. But I don't have a choice.

And I hear a song that tells me

Don't give up...