Diary Of The Only One Lonely: Friday Nite Out

May 12, 2008 - 09:17 AM PST

Here I am at the same place again. At the most famous place to be at every Friday night. The night is still early but the place is already packed. I guess there might be something special going on tonight.

I went in, alone as usual trying to get through the crowd. I don’t expect to see anyone I knew or meeting someone new. I’m here just for the scene.

I end up at the bar and asked for the usual stuff. I can’t bother asking for anything else. Or anything pretentious. I chose to be boring and I like it this way.

As usual I’d look around, checking out all those smiling faces and I knew none of them. But to be honest, I don’t know if I could even get to know these people even if I try. Because let’s face it, everybody is putting up their mask and try to have a good time. Or else they won’t be here.

10 minutes passed by and I’m almost done with my bottle of beer. I told myself to keep things slow but the thing is, time run slow here. And I decided to move on.

Got another bottle of beer and decided to move to the balcony. The place is getting jam packed and I need some air, even if it’s the smoky kind.

The balcony has become my favourite spot simply because it’s isolated. It gets crowded sometimes but there are times no one is standing outside. But the balcony is a free place. Free from noise, free from drama, most of the time.

And here I am, on the outside looking in. And I observe. I spotted someone I knew who I was wrong about. There’s a few familiar faces being careless and care free. And there’s a whole bunch of beautiful people trying to prove to each other that they’re the best from the rest.

And I wonder why I am still here, time and time again. Often I told myself, or those who cared to ask, why do I always turn up alone here. And I told them (and myself, of course) the reason I come here alone is because I feel like being lost in the crowd...and to get drunk.

But I realized that is not the only or the real reason for me to be here. I’m here because I need to feel alive. After so many encounters with so many fakers, I’m just not sure who I am or whether I live in a real world. I mean, are these all that the world has to offer me? Friends who pretend and people who are not I thought they are? What am I gonna do with all the love and trust that I have inside? Dump it on a life-sized doll? I guess this place reminds me of things real and unreal.

It does appear that I live a lonely life and I don’t bother hiding the fact most of the time. But when I think about it, I realized that those people inside are the most lonely, living a dream.

But I think I’ve seen enough tonite. A few more bottle of beer and I’m heading back home, alone.