dread on me 11/27/07

Mar 09, 2008 - 13:02 PM PST

okay, so i am sitting here gathering, or trying to gather, all my thoughts.
betrayal amongst the majority of my friends.
i hate having to choose sides. i strongly desire simplicity and innocence most of all, like back in elementary school, before we knew mtv and what drugs and addiction truly meant. it appears that all we wanted to do was grow up and become adults-making our own choices. nothing dramatic ever happened no body lost virginity, no body cursed or swore. i desperately miss those days when everyone was bffls and didn't care about appearance, material objects or anything. we were blissfully naive and content, nothing plagued our minds and the most extreme movie rating, for us, was pg13. right now i nearly collapse and surrender to my innocence. but philosophy and knowledge itself liberates you in a way that you cant look at anything ever in the same way. everything is raw. either good or bad, but mostly bad. mostly cynical. i can only wask why
it appears i cannot go anywhere without getting hurt. its not preventable.
why is it that we hold on to people, or at least i do, that continually repeat this vicious and unhallowed cycle. do we ourselves encourage such savage and heartless actions?

why is it that in this world of billions of people i feel so alone more than half of the time?
why is it that such a beautiful world is dying?
why is all that is simple devoured by such horrid ugly things that are unjust and unloyal and just UN. ha..

perhaps we are all just looking for the good in this world while projecting out a negative image to be percepted by most anyone else. those select few that see threw us, those are not just our friends but they are our loves. the loving bonds that are close to your heart, that mean more that any jerk that screws up your life for two seconds.
eventually, things will turn out right.. thats what i keep on telling myself.