everything changes

Mar 24, 2008 - 22:54 PM PST

The officer shined his flashlight on my face.

"have you been drinking?"

I swallowed the spit that was not in my mouth. I said, "I'm just on my way home..."

He went back to the patrol car. He came back with a ticket. He said, "Go straight home."

at least, that's what I think he said.

Shaking and embarrassed, I drove to a friends house.

I drank more, and then I wasn't embarrassed.
I drank more, and then I wasn't shaking.

I woke up and felt fine. I looked at the body next to me and I quietly gathered my clothes.

This is not who I am, this is what I've become.

In incremental ways we become our worst enemy.

In the haze of vodka and self-hatred you will find amazing ways to destroy yourself.

At the A.A. meeting you will say, " Hi my name is Lola, and I think I might be an alcoholic."

The guy drinking the 24 oz mountain dew will make you think of vodka and mountain dew, a 30% - 70% combo...

The lady drinking the chocolate milk in a glass she brought from home will make you think of Baileys Irish Cream and Jagger.

As she talks about the addiction of Alcohol...
As she sets the glass back down...
The heaviness of the ice hits the glass.

Give me whiskey and coke. A shot of Tequila.

My sweaty hands clasp together, I sit and wait for something to change.