excuses and apologies

Jan 08, 2008 - 09:41 AM PST

Colored ink on crinkled sheets
Scatter me across the carpet
Fold my words into shapes unknown
Twist them to your liking
They fell as dead beside your feet
My excuses and apologies
Bleeding through the pages
Liquid fears seep into threads

Incoherent thoughts
Find ways of passing through my lips
Shivering in paranoia
Hiding here beneath my bed
We played make-believe and I lost the game
A child-like want resurfaces
A longing for acceptance
As I mumble through my sentences

The tabletop is heavy
With the broken and alone
So I sit and keep them company

Tired eyes both red and white
I close them tightly
Listen to the music play
With intertwining melodies
I clear my mind of everything
To be still and learn the meanings behind the words
They comfort me for hours
While I wait beside myself

Looking down into the face of a stranger
Who only wanted to forget
Preoccupied by memories that broke me from my stillness
Faces without names
They speak in different tongues
They search my eyes for signs of life
Empty-handed, they turn away

Spinning down toward the floor
A feather on the wind
Drifting with the currents in the air
I landed on a platform made of plastic flowered hats
And found myself in a spotlight from above
It shown into my waking eyes
Removing any sanity

Morning filled with wishes granted
Falling stars and feeble minds
Strings are pulled and harmonies start flowing from within
Eyes are met but fear begins
It creeps inside my soul

Our arms were tied like tethered kites
Goodbyes are nearly whispered
Leave this place, but your voice remains
Spilling shame over my crowded room
Behind locked doors I wander
In the shadow of these walls
A ghost among the living
Who never lived at all