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Jun 24, 2008 - 20:34 PM PST

Thoughts inside flash,
Of living, of dying,
But mostly of,
When I found myself crying.

I’ve said it before,
I’ll say it again,
I find myself needing
Someone; just a friend.

A friend who knows,
Who I am and what I do,
A friend who tells,
And doesn’t yell at you.

But when I say something,
And that person freaks out,
The last thing I need,
Is an everlasting shout.

My mind works differently,
Words jump off the page,
It’s a good skill in writing;
Not so much these days.

These days are filled,
With heart-wrenching conversations,
Blood stained tears,
And viscous confrontations.

The premise sounds boring,
But the “freak out” includes,
A whole shit-load more,
Than the title eludes.

For you yell,
And scream
And threaten,
And beam.

You beam because you won,
You think you scored the winning goal,
You think I’ll cry myself to sleep,
If only I could keep my soul.

It’s ripping, tearing,
For a way to get out,
With all of the trouble,
My soul jumps about.

It wants it to end,
To go to a happy place,
That place isn’t here,
That place I await.

I want to be rid,
Of the trouble, the torture
Life here on earth,
Is becoming a scorcher.

And that stupid fucking bottle,
Keeps filling faster and faster,
The one inside of me,
Getting fatter and fatter.

Filling with this trouble,
My life as I progress,
I hate life here on earth,
What needs to end; this mess.

This mess and all its contents,
Spilling over my heart,
Seeping into my blood,
Piercing like a dart.

No one else realizes,
How being told is done,
First you tell them,
Then you shun.

But you can kill me if you want,
And I don’t care if you shun,
For your own personal satisfaction,
Let me hand you the gun.

For what I don’t realize,
Has become my worst nightmare,
Of how I look, not feel,
Is what people care.

I want this all to end,
This pain that I’m in,
The life that I live,
Is nothing but sin.

But I realized once,
I won’t do it anymore
Killing myself is nothing,
But a way to ignore.

This contains a relation to my very first poem...can anyone find it?