holding out...

Mar 15, 2008 - 00:41 AM PST

it's three A.M. and i'm not sleeping. out of sight, out of mind. until the lonely nights creep up and relentlessly drag me through the same obsessive compulsive thought process. you started to fade for a while there. but you can only fade for so long. i've suddenly learned the difference between "missing" and longing for".

i wish we weren't talking. because when we talk, we never have a run-of-the-mill conversation. you always carry secret nuances in your tone. tinges of hope. you envelope me in a stern confidence of understanding. so for now, i wait.

i wish we didn't see each other. because when we see each other, there's no such thing as a casual hello. your eyes penetrate the darkest corners of my soul, as though they had locked on to their target and forgot to let go. maybe i forgot to let go. your look of humored concern shows that you're on to me. so for now, i wait.

my thoughts trace the fine line between civility and friendship. and the even finer line separating friendship and sexual frustration.

i'm wondering how long it'll take before your touch fades from my memory. more than curiosity, less than caring. you just might be my first regret. but for now, i wait.

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on a lighter note: i got my ear pierced today. i had a hint of masochism and decided to run with it. hopefully this is a step towards my tattoo in terms of fighting my wimpy nature. hopefully it's a step towards who i want to be and away from who i am. i guess it means a lot more than i thought it did. i'll cherish this hole forever. (that's what she said?.... oh god, don't even get me started. he's another angsty piece waiting to happen)

Anywho. it really is 3:30. yea... in the morning. oh, the good news is that i may have a webcam afterall. maybe blogging won't be my only form of relief. anywho, after some horribly sub-par writing, it's time for bed. (it was sub-par. and emo at that. don't judge it, hold out for me)