I am coming apart it seems

Oct 06, 2008 - 10:34 AM PST

When I think of myself in the future I think of a great writer. I think of someone whose thoughts and opinions reach other people and help them along their personal journeys in life. When I think of myself in the present I think of a helpless child who is lost and does not know which way to go. I stand here a child of 25 years old. This an age when many people have began to carve out their own lives. I feel like a newborn child. I feel like I have just stepped out into a world that I neither know or understand. I hold onto the hand of security afraid to let go and go explore for myself. Will I ever be able to step out into the unknown? Will I ever truly be the adult that I want to be. I am a thinker but I want to be a do-er, but it is so hard to motivate these tired limbs to take a step forward. Why am I so tired? I am so goddamn worn out from breathing, from living, from existing. I am loved by people but feel so separate from them. If I am not holding up the entire world then I am at least holding up my own and I will be goddamned if its not breaking me. I am going to collapse soon.

I want to run away to a place where I can hide, but I am stuck here. I reveal my feelings to people only to avoid talking about them. I am mixed up, messed up and I am clueless. Someone grant me the strength to be better than I am.