It happened on a Thursday

Feb 11, 2008 - 20:36 PM PST

Thursday, November 22, 2007.

My heart raced in the moments before turning that corner, and all I could think was posture, posture, posture.

Thursday, September 21, 2006 3 pm.

There I was puking, painfully sore, aware that everyone in the house was worried about me. My grandfather's house. When I came in the evening before my aunt turned white, surprised and unaware of the situation. Early that morning all I wanted was quiet except for the drone of New Order on my Ipod. At that moment all I wanted was off this awful train ride and into a soft cozy bed.

Thursday, June 29, 2006 6 pm.

It seems that I'm always sore and tired on Thursdays. I got into my car after spin class and began to check messages. An unfamiliar much too southern voice filled my head.

Thursday, June 22, 2006 10 am

Where am I going with my life? What is my purpose? What can I do to help? Lord, hear this prayer.

Thursday no Saturday um... No Urgh March 2006

I don't think I knew how much I cared for her. She's left. It happens to all of us, but never seems fair. I hate myself for not knowing the date.


February, 2006

On a personal mission to save this world, or at least giving myself (and hopefully others) a chance to save a person. The break in the Thursday cycle of the date in particular bothers me.


resentment

I resented people who didn't listen to me in February. I resented my brother for not understanding my grandmother's decision to not take antibiotics, effectively ending her life. I resented the fact that I chose a career path in which I didn't feel like I could help people directly. I resented the woman who made me dive into my ipod and feel emotionally miserable for two days straight, not because of the drugs, but because she wouldn't shut up.

responsibility

I think that the biggest issue of my self resentment was the fact that I didn't have a clue what I could do and felt helpless. It isn't a feeling I'm used to. I was happy that my grandmother was able to take responsibility for her death, in some ways it made it easier, but came to the understanding that my brother thinks differently about these things than I do. And with one phone call, responsibility for a life was placed within my hands. Bringing up anxieties and fear that I could not describe.

I suppose I'm now responsible for an explanation. My grandmother died of Leukemia. She was tired of fighting something she had no chance at winning, and didn't want to live a life that couldn't be as full as possible. A few months before she died, in response actually to another family friend afflicted with the disease I joined the national bone marrow donor registry.

As she was in the hospital for the last time I found myself at my church and signed up to chaperon a trip that I had gone on many times growing up. I'm not particularly religious, but sitting in worship one day this prayer filled me. It was rather odd. I wanted something so badly outside of myself. A week later I was called by my transplant coordinator. She never stops talking. I sort of like quiet as I gear myself up for things. Quiet or fun music.

My mom came down and we actually stayed with my grandpa the weekend of the procedure. It was in his town, my hometown. My aunt was also visiting him. She turned white when I told her I was in for bone marrow, I suppose I hadn't mentioned it to her before I was donating. She thought I was sick, and glad to hear I wasn't.

The next morning I never wanted to scream shut up to a person so badly as I want to say it to that woman. I sat their quietly, I didn't want to disturb patients who were actually sick. She thought I was nervous. I didn't have the patience to feel nervous.

I woke up, and was nauseous all day from the anesthesia. The nausea was worse than the pain. Two days later I was at a Gator football game yelling and screaming with the best of them.

Then I found out she was still alive.

Then I found out she was doing amazing.

Then I found out St. Judes where she was cared for wanted us to represent them for a Thanksgiving Day fund raiser, in New York.

We met live on the Today Show.

Then I found out we were perfect, as in 10/10 perfect matches. 6/6 is normally considered the best it can get. We don't look all that much alike.

What an amazing experience. I wouldn't trade any of it.

Ask me questions if you have questions about being a donor. Find out more information at www.marrow.org

Get involved. Tell your friends. I don't promise New York, I don't promise they will call you. All I can promise is that you will have the chance to do something amazing.

-a.