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Kimmi | Hayward, CA • United States , Age 34

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Love or Success?

Feb 23, 2008 - 11:03 AM PST

I have noticed a shift in the relationships of people in my life and wondered is this how it is everywhere? Let me know your feelings on it.

When I was little, I was surrounded by grownups who were firmly set in marriages. Some happily, some in and out of them, but married nonetheless. My grandparents were married for 54 years. It was not my grandmother's first marriage, but her first husband died. And she had a child from that marriage.

As I grew, I noticed that people were getting divorced more, without getting remarried, but still having relationships and dating. At the same time, careers started becoming more important. What I own, how many I have, the quality and quantity of possessions, became important. But there was still a strong desire to have someone to share it all with, or what was the point in having it all?

As an adult, I am seeing more and more people driven by success and what they can acquire, content to be emotionally unattached to anyone. Many of my friends are in the same boat I am now; divorced with kids...and not dating. Not by choice, mind you, but because it seem people I meet tend to keep their distance from others, not willing to make personal connections. The majority of connections I see people make are business ones....How can you help me advance financially?

Don't get me wrong, I have friends who are getting into relationships, some who are even getting married, but those are rare. Do you think we have forgotten how to make personal connections with people face to face? Have we traded social connectivity for an altogether different definition of success?

Title: Love or Success?

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Added: 02-23-2008

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hoohaah

Feb 24, 2008 - 22:42 PM

Kimmi, your comment is on target, regretably, I think. I would suggest that perhaps the world has become more self-interested, less trusting, more paranoid, and less safe since 9-11-01. It has had a huge effect on many people. But also there seems to be that tendency for America especially to be drifting quickly away from the values that once held families and this nation together, things like faith, trust, respect, caring for others, patriotism, tenderness, peacemaking, hard work and persistence, and much more.

My parents divorced when I was 5, but I have managed to stay married, mostly happy, for over 35 years (after my first wife left me). Now my kids are in their 30's and feel the same as you. Is it possible to find love and a permanent relationship to hang your life on anymore? Things are just things. They are nice to have, but to have them alone is an empty feeling. You really do need a partner to share life with, that is how we are created.

It is sad that we cannot break through the facades of people around us and just be real, and have real feelings. Yes, it is important to find someone to help support your family, who will not be a taker but a giver. I think that in this non-touching world that has become very difficult. People are afraid to really reach out, or be touched without assuming there is some other motive. I can only offer hope, and say keep reaching out, and someday the person will come along who will complete you. Good luck.