Masquerade

Mar 09, 2008 - 13:56 PM PST

**This is a flash fiction I wrote, based on a dream that I had. As always, this is a work in progress. So, any critique is welcome.**

I was born into darkness a few months after I met him. Even now I couldn't tell you if I made a mistake by embracing the darkness and embracing him. There is joy to be found here, there is power waiting to be snatched. Yet there is overwhelming sorrow, undeniable despair. I'm always at battle. But unlike previous stories, I'm not battling the enemy. I'm not a dark super-hero, and I'm not a dark super villain. I simply am... and the one that I battle is myself. A nice way to say it is that I am always trying to check my lesser impulses. But perhaps I should tell you my story from the so-called fall from grace. After all who can understand the battle if they do not know the cause?

Sometimes, I wish I could say that I met Brendan somewhere dark and mysterious. Maybe like a graveyard or forest during a Pagan ritual. That would add spice to my story, and well lets face it, it would make a damn good start to the story. The truth, however, is far less "gothic". I met Brendan in a bar, an ordinary dull small town bar. I was sitting at a small table watching my friends dance. He came up and introduced himself and sat down. Being the cynical bitch that I was, I told him that I wasn't interesting in sleeping with him and he shouldn't waste his time or effort, and that he should go find a willing slut. He laughed me off. Looking back, I think I was sunk at the laugh. It was so deep and melodic. It completely threw me off, but not as much as his next statement. "Then it's a good thing that I wasn't going to ask you to sleep with me. Although a lesser man would take that as a challenge. Also let me just say were I a lesser man I'd have to say you'd be in my bed within less than a week." It was my turn to laugh. Secretly I was impressed that he wasn't insulted and didn't walk away. Maybe I should have been cautious about the fact that he didn't. Either way conversation started soon after that. Honestly I could tell you word for word our entire conversation. I was that enamored and captivated by him. But, to spare you the details of our boring and sometimes tedious talk, I'll just say that it was average talk. We were getting to know each other. We continued until last call and exchanged numbers. He told me that he worked a long shift during the day but I should feel free to call after 8 or 9. I smiled and said my goodbyes.

Of course I didn't call him the next day. I'm sure I would have in a day or two given the opportunity, but I didn't need it. That night I went to a large bookstore chain. I settled for some silly fantasy novel and a Raspberry Mocha Latte. I had just dove into the book when I heard that laugh. My head snapped up and there he stood. God he looked amazing too, dark hair that swept over his face, emerald eyes lit with amusement. He looked like the dark prince in the novel I was reading. I suppose that the looks weren't as potent as the pull he had about him. I wanted more than anything for him to set down and stay with me awhile. The thought almost scared me. I had never had a reaction to someone as strongly. I chalked it up to hormones and asked if he would like to sit down. So he did, and so he stayed. We ended up closing the store, a cute little thing that would end up becoming habit with us.

He came home with me that night. Before you ask, no we didn't sleep together. Not that night and not that week. Its almost like we set that boundary right away from the 1st conversation. We sat up and talked all night; we listened to music, but mostly we were just together. He left before morning saying he needed to go home and catch a nap before work. I fell into a deep and wondrous sleep with my dreams all focused on him.

Work drug on that day, and I just felt like it would never end. He consumed my thoughts and it was hell trying to concentrate. As soon as work was over I ran home to watch the clock till 9. I felt that I just had to talk to him. I needed to or I wouldn't survive the night. 5 minutes before I was going to call him, he called me. After a few moments of small talk he asked if I would like to go see a movie, and maybe dinner afterwards. I immediately accepted, and said that I would meet him there. We decided on the movie and the time and hung up. Ironically enough the movie that we saw was Underworld. That still makes me laugh. After the movie we stopped at a diner, had bad food, and discussed the movie in depth. At one point I said that while the movie had a great plotline I was disappointed in the portrayal of the vampires and werewolves. He seemed confused at this so I elaborated. I explained of how I felt that I couldn't see vampires in groups like that, and how I imagined each one of them to be very different from each other. After going thru that for several minutes he laughed and chided me on all the thought I put into it. Then he slung his arm around my shoulder and we walked off. From that moment on we became inseparable.

Now I know what you are thinking. That it was pointless for me to explain those first few days step by step. But I wanted you to understand where I was in my life. I suppose I wanted you to understand who I use to be, and why I couldn't refuse him anything. The immediate attraction was one thing. But more than that, he offered me companionship. We had such a connection that overwhelmed me even early on. I knew that if I let myself I could fall in love with him. Maybe I also wanted you to start to pick up on some things that I missed. Things that had I noticed could have changed everything. Would I have changed it if I knew? Well that's hard to say. Part of me screams no,no, no. On the other hand I miss the light...

After we became inseparable I finally started to notice some things. He always stayed over with me at night. We did things that couples tend to do. The sex? It was incredible, amazing, fantastic, and other positive adjectives. Yet, when I woke in the morning he was always gone. Part of me was disappointed. We fell asleep together, and I wanted more than anything to wake next to him. Yes by this point I was in love. It was a slow steady fall, and it felt just right. Another thing that was bothering me slightly was that our days off never coincided. I guess it was at this point that my subconscious started to throw me the warning signs. I ignored them. I didn't give a damn I had him and that was all that mattered.

We progressed like that for a couple months before we had our first fight. I couldn't tell you what we actually fought about. More than likely it was about a conversation we had about him being against marriage and not wanting children. But I really don't know. I do remember saying that if he truly felt that way, we were wasting our time to be in something that was going no where. Apparently he agreed, because he gathered up his things and left.

The next day was Halloween. My favorite holiday was ruined by harsh words the night before. I moped around a bit. I hemmed and hawed. I started to call him hundreds of times. In the end I came to the conclusion that I had ruined it by being a stereotypical pushy female. I thought of dozens of ways to try and fix it. I wanted to beg forgiveness. I wanted to be in his presence forever in whatever way that I could. I wrote him letters and tore them up. I cried on my roommates shoulder. I did all the very typical breakup things.

We were supposed to go to a party that night. It was a very high scale affair. The whole town had looked forward to it for months. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to be alone. Brendan and I were supposed to perform a reading by Poe. We were supposed to be some of the entertainment for the night. I had no clue as what to do. Would he show up and would we perform for the audience? Or, would he skip the party like I was tempted to do? In the end I decided to go; if he showed up we would do our reading and part ways after. If he didn't, perhaps I could do a similar reading solo.

The house was decorated marvelously. Although I suppose house is an understatement. It was a large mansion on a hill. You could hear the music drifting down softly. There was a small path to the lake lit by fairy lights. It was gorgeous. Then again so was I. I went as the gothic princess. I was wearing a black corset dress with red ribbons and piping. Of course what is the gothic princess with out her fish nets and tiara. The fishnets were snug to my legs with my black stilettos showing them off nicely. The tiara was black onyx and stunning. As for the rest of me? I accessorized with red rubies on the fingers and ears. I had enough black eye make-up on to scare the dead, and lets not forget the black lipstick.

I clutched my purse and went inside. At that moment in time I wanted nothing more than to run away. To go back home and grieve for my lost love. At the same time I was wanting to see him there. To read with him... to make up and love him always. So I continued, The party was obviously in full swing and all the costumes had me a disoriented. I looked desperately for anyone that I knew. But I was having no luck. The crowd thickened around me and my heart beat faster and faster. I knew I was on the edge of a panic attack. I crept my way thru the crowd, gasping for breath. Not caring if I found anyone I knew, I just needed a place with air. The party-goers brushed my arms and sides as I fought my way thru them. I needed to escape from it. The panic attack was full blown, my breathing raspy and shallow. My heart pounded in my head. Finally I found a clear spot. It was the stair-case. All I could think was thank god... I can breathe. At that moment a hand touched my shoulder and when I looked up I was staring at Jesus. Ok so not the real Jesus, but a man dressed as the messiah. I knew that was who he was supposed to be; because on his robe there was a name tag that said "Hello, my name is Jesus. Yes that's right Jesus, your Lord and Savior." Jesus proceeded to say "Have you found him yet? He's waiting on you." When I managed to quit giggling over the name tag I asked who he was and where he was. "Your escort of course child. I don't know where he's at. He said you would find him when the time was right."

With that, Jesus left me and the crowd increased. I jumped up and fought my way thru the crowd determined this time. The crowd was thicker on the other end of the house making it almost impossible to get around. The disorienting sensation began again, and so did the panic attack. The difference this time was I had a bigger purpose. I had to find him. People swirled around me and I fell down at least once. So needless to say by the time I made it to a door I was a mess. My hair was mussed, my dress torn. The tears and sweat had my makeup running, but I felt I was close so I continued on. I walked thru the door and into the glorious night.

There he stood, my glorious dark prince. On the banks of the lake. I ran to him and into his arms. I cried my apologies, I begged forgiveness. He shushed me by placing his finger upon my lips. "My darling do you love me?" Oh of course I do Brendan, of course I do, I cried to him. "I know a way we can be together forever my love, would you like that?" Yes please, whatever you want just don't leave me... Never leave me.

And so it began, he ripped the back of my dress and from the bushes nearby he pulled out a sword. Then before I could move or make a sound he slashed me. Blood ran down my back, down my legs. I reached back and touched it astonished. The crimson gleamed under the fairy lights. But mostly I was confused, it didn't hurt really. I just didn't understand. "My love, my darling, you see I am a vampire. The kind you love to read about. Together, I will sacrifice you, we'll be for eternity." I cried out begging him not to. The sword bit thru my back and into my heart. Somehow he had angled it so that the sword went into his heart as well. Together we died, the world as I knew it faded to black.

They put me in the ground after that. I couldn't tell you what was thought because I was really dead during those days. I heard saw and witnessed nothing. At the same token I can't tell you about the afterlife. I saw no angels or devils, I simply floated along in the black. Craving my love always. I am hoping that I saw no angel or devils, that I saw no heaven or afterlife because I wasn't destined to really die. Shortly there-after I awoke in my coffin, and amazingly enough I wasn't scared. I dug myself out, and the night became my mistress.

For you see, my love, my Brendan, wasn't really a vampire. He was simply crazy. Thru his madness he cursed me to become what he so longed to be. So it seems that I was destined to walk alone all along. There is so much to tell you about the after, about learning to cope with what I was, with learning how to deal with the killing that I needed to keep the pain away. Yes there is so much to tell, but my children the dawn is coming so that must wait for tomorrow night.