My Real Future

Mar 23, 2008 - 01:41 AM PST

So, this may sound weird coming from a 15 year old high school freshman, but I'm worried about what will happen when i die. Not so much as to me, 'cause I know it is gonna happen no matter what and I will just embrace it when it does, but how people will remember me. Will some remember me solely on how i died? Or by how I lived? Will they really understand my thoughts and views of the world? Will they even know what those thoughts are? Will my parents truely understand how mch they hurt me growing up? Will they even realize what they did wrong? And what happens after i die? Will the world really change? Or will it just continue to be a horrible place, because of mankind? Will it slowly continue down this path and end up destroyed? Or will humans relize what they are doing wrong and change it? Well, I do know that while I am still here I'm going to do anything i can to chnge it. I'm gonna do the best I can at least.

Once I graduate high school I'm moving out. I'm not going to college. I'm starting to save my money even now. I plan on going to somewhere like San Fransisco for a little while. Meet some new people and sart my path acrossed America. I wanna change this place. It could be so amazingly beautiful if people stopped ruining that beuty. We are a country of consumers and we are slowly using up all the resources on this once wonderful panet I wnttoslw this "progress" we are making. But I can't until I'm older.

I'm going to spend the next three or so years making my plans. During those three years I must pretend not to be making any plans. I must petend that I am going to go to college. I must pretend I have my future career all planned out. I muct pretend not to be a future hippie. I must pretend not to plan to fly by the seat of my pant. According to them my plans are to finish high school, go to college, bcome an actress or a high school drama teacher, fall in love, marry, grow old, retire and die. But that's not what I wanna do. I'm gonna save my money, get a job, a car, grduate with flying colors, get accepted into a college, and then turn it all down. I'm gonna travel, see the world. I don't wanna be anoter follower in the crowd. I wanna be like the guy in "Into the Wild". I wanna give it all up and be actually free. I wanna break free from all of his. I can't take it anymore.

I don't wanna hold on to anything. All these material objects that people create and hold on to, do no good. But slowly destroy us and the planet. The only good things left in the world are the arts. Real art, poetry, some music, plays, theatre, books and then love are all that's still good in the world. They are the only things I can turn to still that I know is good for the world. I know nothing else is.

Our society is horrible. We judge people, murder, have alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, fighting, torture, abuse, we use others, hurt our kids, have McDonald's, Starbuck's, meat, Wallmart, cars, wars, weapons, Hitler, bombs, tanks, Hummers, and so much more. I'm just done being apart of that.