my truths

Feb 25, 2008 - 17:39 PM PST


I am sick of living this lie

I wish i felt safe enough to remove this mask i have been wearing for way to long

I wish i could go back and tell her that I am sorry

I wish i would have spent more time with her while she was alive, just to talk like we did when i was a small child

I wish my friends were friends.. the real kind.. the kind i can share who i am with, the kind i had while growing up.

I wish I was as strong as I pretend to be

I miss you more then i should.. i had so long to get used to you not being here

i am afraid of loosing you even though most of the year you are just a voice on the other end of a phone i hate talking on

When i think of my future it looks nothing like yours

I fear dying but cant imagine it being worse then this life

i dont want to have sex with you anymore and I hate that you only do nice things for me in hopes of getting some

i can't believe you fucked me over like you did.. i did everything for you

if you hurt him again i will fucking kill you... you dont deserve to live as it is

you will always be family but i dont think i can ever look at you the same way again

I am afraid i will end up living a sad existence with no one to love me and that makes me stay in a relationship that is not my dream

I now know what i want in a mate and i am pretty sure it is non-existant and that is the biggest let down of my life

I am a master at lying but choose to tell the truth because it is more fun

i have unnatural fears such as... ordering pizza, talking on the phone, asking my friends to hang out, etc.

the only thing i have wanted since i was a child is to find my soulmate but am quickly coming to understand that it might be a fallacy and this means my whole life has been a joke

I want a sex life that goes beyond normal boundaries but am too afraid to go look for it