once again

Mar 08, 2008 - 23:37 PM PST

burning eyes, and slow fingers, my mind is wrapped in plastic and i only think in negatives. music playing is too quiet. and the phone isn't ringing. i stare at it and nothing motivates it to ring. and when a sad song plays it's too much for me. and i'm sitting here crying again. i'm crying for the life i'm not living. i'm crying for the love i'm not giving. i'm crying for who i am and who i could be. and all at once it's these momentary slip ups that define my days. these moments when it's too much for me to take. if the phone knew how lonely i was it would ring. i'll stay up past two..i'll linger till 4 and then around 5, exhausted..all hope gone..i'll fall asleep. and when they ask what's wrong i'll say nothing. and when i hear a child crying in a grocery store i'll cringe..because i know that desperation. because i know that longing. how did i become so singular...how did i push everyone away. i can't take my mind today. it's too much.