Online Dating - If everyone jumped off a cliff

Mar 19, 2008 - 21:13 PM PST

March 19, 2008

Ok, it has come clear that I have to address this some how because it is not going away and my feeling are just building up. First I should say that I know online dating can lead to happy, loving, healthy relationships. For some people it can even lead to marriage and those people are really lucky. That being said, online dating is not for everyone and I don't think that is a bad thing.

Maybe to understand my feelings on this subject I should try to explain the direction that I'm comming from. I'm single, not only am I single, but I've been single for a really long time, more then 6 years. There are many reasons as to why I woke up one day and realized it had been over halfe a decade and I was still single. That is not really the point, the point is that I did kind-of wake one day and realize that. I'm ok being single. I'm not one of those people who needs to be in a reationship to be happy. In many ways the fact that I don't need someone is part of the cause of me being single for so long. On a day to day basis to don't even think about it. I'm also one of those people who notices everyone around me, how they feel about others, feels that are eating them but they are to shy to do anything about, and other things like that. Yet when it comes to my own life I'm blind. I'm more like a bird with my head in the sand. Someone can be right in front of me and I wont see it. This is how I got here. I can make an effort and try to get my head out of the sand, but that open me up to getting hurt in some way. I have a soft shell. I'm not sure why, but I've worked hard at building walls. If I don't protect myself then I can get hurt and that is scary and a lot to deal with. For what ever then reason I find myself back to the being single. As much as I'm ok with that and maybe even a little proud of the strong independant women I have become. I have people who really care and worry about me. They don't seem to be so "ok" with me being single. They seem to think that I'm the type of person who needs not to be alone.

All that background leads me to what I'm venting about today. Maybe, I'm a little bit self destrutive, but I belive that you don't need to go online to find the love your life. I come from a family full of highschool and college sweet hearts who not only get married but who stay married untill death do them part. I realize that I'm 26 I'm long past college and long, long, long past highschool, but I still belive I will meet the love of my life the old fashion way. That we will meet by chance or maybe through a common friend, or something simular to that. What I don't belive is that I have to go online fill out a profile, put some awkward photo of me up, and then answer a whole bunch of questions that some company thinks that I'm not smart enough to ask a person I'm dating myself. Of course, depending on what online dating company I choose, after all of that the company may still come back to me and say I'm sorry we don't feel like you are a person that we can match with a mate so we don't expect you. Let me tell you that is what every single person wants to hear. For this blog lets just say that think that I am worthy of the company using their resources to match me up. I still have to pay a arm and a leg to meet the person a computer thinks will be the love of my life. Of course the person they match me may live in a different town, state, or even country, that is so helpful. I now have two choices. Choice one not me a person, who I'm not sure is really who I've been told that they are and who live far away and just build a relationship based purely on communications online. Or try to find some central netral location to meet a person that you don't really know. If that goes well then I'm thrown into a long distance relationship. I'm not saying long distance relationship don't or can't work. I've seem some really healthy distance relationships, but it is nice to a solid base to grow them on. Plus in many ways on a day to day basis you still feel alone because they are their to share the little everyday things with you. You could try to meet and have some real dates together but with gass prices they way they are today most of us just don't have the money to do that. All of this being said, for me, I don't think online dating is right for me. I just wish it could be that simple and just end there. Well, I guess i should just accept that it isn't that simple and that it wont just end there. I have so many people telling me that I NEED to do this, why it is so important. I have family members that now everytime I go to vist them sometime during the vist we get in a disagreement about me and how I should, how I NEED to try online dating. Now some of the family members are evening telling me that they will pay for it, so I have no reason not to try the online dating. I have my boss giving me a speach about how it is just the world we live in that it is not me, but the world. For what ever the reason if I just accept that and start online dating then I will find the love of my life. I have people at church making comments to both me and my family about how they have prayed about it and they belive that online dating is the right thing for me to do. I have one really close friend who during a lot of the past years that I have been single has also been single. She used to be one of the few people who I knew would leave me alone that she would not tell me how right online dating is. Well in the past couple of weeks she started online dating and has met what seems to be the type of person she has been waitng for and now she is in a relationship is really happy. Now she just can't help but tell me how happy she is and how she wants me to just as happy so I should try the onling dating thing. I know everyone wants me to be happy. I love them for that. Out of all of those people who tell me I NEED to try online dating the only one doesn't get on my nerves is my recently not single friend. Everyone else who found the loves of their life met them the old fashion way. So I don't understand how that was good enough for them but I need more help. That it will never happen for me. It make it sound like there is something wrong with me. I know that there are some people who would say that online dating has not been arouond that long and maybe some of these people would have tried it if it had been around when they were dating. Personal adds have been around for decades and decades. I feel the same way about personal adds and I would have never wanted to try that either.

I have always been a person who dances to the beat of my own drum. It has been my hope that someday I will either find someone who dances to the beat of my drum too, or dances to the beat of their own drum and that their beat complments mine. I don't think that is too much to ask. I don't really know what else to say except that even if everyone else is online dating I don't want to be presured to online date too. If everyone jumped off a cliff would they want me to jump off too. Do I want to be the type of person who jumpes off too.