questions

May 22, 2008 - 22:39 PM PST

I always thought that if I got what I wanted then I would be happy. We are taught to have goals and that through hard work we can achive anything. I came up with a goal, I've been working really hard and not my goal is within my grasp and yet I don't feel like I have achived anything. Don't get me wrong, I'm really, really happy about everything. This want I want, but now I'm scard. Not like I wasnt scard before, but this is a differnt type of being scard. Why can't I just be in the moment and be really happy. I've tried to tell people that I'm scard, but no one will listen to me, it is like I'm telling my life story in a sound proof room. I've been working for three years for this and now that it is here I just don't know what to do. Does this just mean that I'm self distrutive or am I valid in my fears? I'm really good at what I do, I know that, but what if I'm wrong? Everyone has helped me soooo much, what if I don't live up to their standards? What if everything is too much. I don't know.... I don't even know how to make these feeling go away, what if they don't? I've watched all my friends go from being little kids to adults. I know what for reason out of my control I got a late start. I know I don't have control of the things I really want to have control of. So why it is that I'm having such a hard time now. Everyone scard, so what does mine feel so different then everyone elses? I don't know if there is an answer. I just needed to ask the questions.