Reality Check?

Jan 21, 2008 - 15:03 PM PST

I realized some things today while I was in my crazy OCD cleaning mode, which usually occurs at 2 AM. As I was cleaning, I was listening to my iPod right? And I realized how all of my songs are about love, love, and love. I'm sitting there thinking "SING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE PLEASE!" Why is it that teenagers lives revolve around relationships, friends, betrayals, etc? Why can't it be easy like kindergarten was when being you was enough for everyone, especially yourself? Because so far in my life, being who I am, just isn't enough for anyone anymore. I really am just that crazy little girl who was friends with everyone, the girl who'd beat up mean boys for teasing girls, the one who didn't mind getting dirty. Now? Its about guys, friends, relationships, changing, sex, drugs/alcohol, and other stupid stuff. I hate all those things! They only ruin lives, they don't make them better. Well, except for the friends, its true. For example, my friend, Sylvia, is the best artist her age I know. She was all about drawing horses, dragons, you know, that kinda stuff. That's who my friend is. But then, she gets to high school. Now, its all about boys, boys, sluts, and boys. She has the worst kinda friends. They don't even really care about her! Her boyfriend is most definitely cheating on her with like 3 other girls, and she is wasting her artistic talent. She doesn't draw anymore! Not even a sketch or a doodle. Why is life so messed up like that?! She was a little psycho who was like my little sister last year in middle school, but now its like I don't even know her. I seriously think I have like 3 friends who haven't changed with the transition to high school. And that's subject to change any moment. But, let us not forget me. The one who's probably changed most of all. I realized today that my life revolves around Jason and Sarah. Cause they're my two best friends right? But I need to get outta their orbit. I don't like who I am right now, because I really, truly will only be actually happy when they break up. And I feel terrible about that. What kind of friend am I? I'm being selfish and stupid and arrogant. This is why I would love something/someone new to come into my life right now just to distract me from all this drama. Like Jacob. *sigh* I really do hope something could happen between us just so I won't be thinking about Jason stuff all the time. Jacob is a really nice guy. Even though I wish it'd happen, I doubt it will. Because I have the worst luck with love and life. Its never that easy for me. To just wish something could happen and it does. I don't even know anymore. I'll update the rest later if something else ever does happen.