save me from myself......

Mar 06, 2008 - 21:19 PM PST

so all day i have been thinking about what i really wanted to write about... and i just can't seem to come up with anything... so i figured i would do some random rambling... and see where that would lead me.... so i apologize for this mess of writing....

i have really been thinking a lot lately about who i am/want to be/try to be... and i just can't seem to figure it out. i would say that nobody really truly knows me... inside i feel completely different from who i am on the outside. i just wish that for once i could say the things i wanted and be the person i want to be... but it is too late for that now because i have to be who people think i am-- or i could end up losing all of them.

i always find myself with a smile on my face when really all i want to do is cry. y is it that we have to put on fronts to protect ourselves from ourselves. i know that the reason i don't show who i really am to people is because i honestly dont think people would really like who i really am.

i have never been the person that everybody wanted to be around. i have never been the pretty girl who every guy wanted. i have always been the girl that was always in the back of the pictures rather than the front. i have no self confidence and that is probably because i have let everyone i know walk all over me since i was young.

if i could be who i really am i think i could really be someone. i have big dreams that i will never pursue because i know i am not strong enough to handle them. and i don't think i would have the support of anyone i know because to them i am just the girl i don't want to be.