scratch

Feb 20, 2008 - 11:23 AM PST

So I've started over. I have become reborn and I love it. I quit everything and everyone that did me no good. I love that I can clearly look back and pin point days and situations when I started to go down hill. My first cigarette. My first time getting high. My first time realizing that I did not have to become close to anyone in order to be in control and get what I wanted. What good is getting what you want if it means nothing to you or anyone else? The first time I fell in love. Wow. I call it that because there is really no other way to describe wanting to be everything for one person. And man did I feel on top of the world. Running the streets, getting fucked up one night and laughing about how much I couldnt remember the next morning. Dont get me wrong, I still enjoy a good party. But I no longer let those moments define me. Being the life of a party may just be one of my MANY attributes to the world. I am not ashamed of my past, but I will not become a victim of it. I am a trailblazer. A testament that you can truly be anyone you want to be. Just be true to you. I havent TRULY loved myself in a very long time. I had faked strength for so long that I believed it. But now, without the smoke and mirrors, I am beginning to recognize myself. I am worth getting to know, if one only took the time. I need not to compromise my happiness for the sake of someone else. I will be fabulous even if those around me are not. I will not walk with my shoulders slumped to be on the level of others. I will stand tall and confident even when others really want you to fall. Why for so long had I let what others thought of themselves rub off on me?! I am intelligent beautiful and have something to offer anyone willing to listen. I am a teacher. I am the daughter of kings and queens who have opened doors before me, so I must do it for those who come after me. So yes, I still love to party, but this time I will do it on my terms. I will not be somewhere I dont want to be. And if its going to be the "same ol, same ol" then count me out. I definitely have better things to do with my time.